Replace the "If's" with "Him"

It is our faith in Jesus Christ that sustains us at the crossroads of life’s journey. It is the first principle of the gospel. Without it we will spin our wheels at the intersection, spending our precious time but getting nowhere. It is Christ who offers the invitation to follow Him, to give Him our burden, and to carry His yoke, “for His yoke is easy, and His burden is light” (Matthew 11:30). - Elder Quentin L. Cook


This past Sunday, while I was listening to the sacrament meeting talks. I had a thought come to mind

"Replace the "If" with "With Him"

This is what I got out of those words

When we're afraid of failure, we're swarmed with thoughts of "What ifs" What if I fail this test. what if my plans don't work out, I want to do this thing, but what if?..." What if I don't get accepted into this school.

This can involved fear of standing up for your beliefs. "What happens if I tell my friends I won't watch that movie?" "What happens if I say no to friends who want me to drink"

Sometimes it can be a scary thing to stand up for your beliefs.


We can't live by fear, we need to live by faith and not fear.
We need to trust in Him, when we trust in Him, our fear goes away, because we rely on Him to help us.

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." - Isaiah 10:41

How many times have we gone through hardships, of having fear be there, but not Him?

In 2009 and 2010 I went through this experience of having fear, but replacing it and trusting in Him.

 I went to this Youth Conference in Walla Walla, Washington (The Triple W's haha)
I was 16 (It was in March, I turned 17 in May), you were paired up into random groups once you got there, I was worry/afraid of that because from past experiences I did not like meeting new people, I was not accepting of Aspergers then, I only had  very few friends from the ward.

On the way there, I'm pretty sure I said a prayer and asked if everything will be okay and I'll be in a group with someone I knew. Once we got there and were paired up into groups, I was in the red group with my friend Spencer. There were a lot of youth there, a couple of stakes and what were the odds of me being in the same group as Spencer?, he was the only one in my ward who was in my group. We pretty much just stayed together during the conference

This other experience of my first time going to EFY in 2009, I had just turned 16 not that long ago, I was worry and afraid of going there because I didn't knew anyone etc, so I said a prayer and turned out, my counselor was a guy I knew from my ward. so again.. what were the odds of that with having a lot of groups and 400+ youth there, that I was in his group?

I had fun in that group, there were some things that weren't so good in that group, but hey you can't win them all, can you?


A few years ago I wrote this poem about replacing fear with faith. In my option it is not one of my best poems, but it's still a good one I suppose.

I don't know what to do
Fear have taken a hold of me
I need a way to pull through
The fear need to flee

Replace the fear with faith
by this small and simple phrase
With faith I know I'll be safe
My Heavenly Father watching over me

I need to let go of fear
and live by faith
with fear, I am worried
with faith, I see the truth

Replace the fear with faith...
Replace it
Look to God and live
Do it
Live it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust" - Psalms 91:2

“I recognize that, on occasion, some of our most fervent prayers may seem to go unanswered. We wonder, ‘Why?’ I know that feeling! I know the fears and tears of such moments. But I also know that our prayers are never ignored. Our faith is never unappreciated. I know that an all-wise Heavenly Father’s perspective is much broader than is ours. While we know of our mortal problems and pain, He knows of our immortal progress and potential. If we pray to know His will and submit ourselves to it with patience and courage, heavenly healing can take place in His own way and time.”

—Russell M. Nelson, "Jesus Christ—the Master Healer,"

If during that Youth Conference I was not in the same group with Spencer, I'm sure Heavenly Father would of had another way to make me feel welcomed and loved, He would of noticed my prayer, he would of had me in a group with someone who be easy to talk to and get to know.

This is a great talk A Time For Faith Not Fear by Elder Larry W. Gibbons

And this is a great Mormon Message video.

                          Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

Alma, Amulek, Zeezrom Oh My

This last week, as I was reading in Alma, I discover one of my favorite person in the Book of Mormon.

His name was Zeezrom.

He was a lawyer among the people of Ammonihah.  Alma and Amulek were teaching the people in the city, and because the wickedness  and hardness of their hearts, they would not listen, they were angry with them, and had the lawyers and judges come to question them.

Alma 10:31 " And there was one among them whose name was Zeezrom. Now he was the foremost to accuse Amulek and Alma, he being one of the most expert among them, having much business to do among the people"

A few verses into chapter 11, we see that the lawyers would stir up the people to riotings, disturbances and wickedness, that people would hire them to take their cases and the judges/lawyers would gain money from working with them during the trials and crimes.

Thus making the lawyers and judges wicked, for they were using the people to get gain, not only were they getting money from this, the whole city has became wicked because of the desires of those people hearts.

So after Amulek taught them, the people were angry and wanted the judges and lawyers to cross their words against them

Alma 11:16 And it came to pass that they began to question Amulek, that thereby they might make him cross his words, or contradict the words which he should speak.-- Alma 10:13-16

Now Zeezrom began to ask Amulek questions and in verse 22 of chapter 11, we see Zeezrom trying to offer Amulek a lot of money, if he would deny the existence of a Supreme Being.

Amulek then goes off on him for a little bit in a way, I would say calling someone a "child of hell" would be going off on them... hah. and Zeezrom asked questions about God, the son of God, and would the Son of God save us while we were in our sins.

"Now Zeezrom said unto the people: See that ye remember these things; for he said there is but one God; yet he saith that the Son of God shall come, but he shall not save his people—as though he had authority to command God." Alma 11:35

As you can see, still trying to make Amulek slip up with his words. Amulek then preach again and

Now Zeerzom asked in verse 38 "Is the Son of God the very Eternal Father?"

At this point, when he asked that question, I believe that his heart has started to be soften.

Amulek answered his question, and  talked about salvation, how Christ will come to redeem his people, how we will be judged by Him.

"Now, when Amulek had finished these words the people began again to be astonished, and also Zeezrom began to tremble. And thus ended the words of Amulek, or this is all that I have written." Alma 11:46

Alma 12:1 "Now Alma, seeing that the words of Amulek had silenced Zeezrom, for he beheld that Amulek had caught him in his lying and deceiving to destroy him, and seeing that he began to tremble under a consciousness of his guilt, he opened his mouth and began to speak unto him, and to establish the words of Amulek, and to explain things beyond, or to unfold the scriptures beyond that which Amulek had done."

Couple more verse in, we see Zeezrom starting to want to learn more

verse 8: " And Zeezrom began to inquire of them diligently, that he might know more concerning the kingdom of God. And he said unto Alma: What does this mean which Amulek hath spoken concerning the resurrection of the dead, that all shall rise from the dead, both the just and the unjust, and are brought to stand before God to be judged according to their works?"

Alma went on with preaching and answering Zeezrom's questions.
Zeezrom begins to believe in what Alma and Amulek had to say, some of the people who were listening also believed, the non-believers stoned and cast them out of their city.

Zeerzrom and the other believers went over to the city of Sidom. Alma and Amulek were cast into prison, the walls later fell down and the wicked who were around the prison died, Alma and Amulek were told to go to Sidom.

In Sidom they found Zeezrom and the other believers, Zeezrom was sick.
Alma 15:3

"And also Zeezrom lay sick at Sidom, with a burning fever, which was caused by the great tribulations of his mind on account of his wickedness, for he supposed that Alma and Amulek were no more; and he supposed that they had been slain because of his iniquity. And this great sin, and his many other sins, did harrow up his mind until it did become exceedingly sore, having no deliverance; therefore he began to be scorched with a burning heat."

Alma was able to heal Zeezrom because of Zeezrom's faith in Christ, he was baptized and started to preach to the people throughout his days.

I like to compare Zeerzom, Alma the younger, and the sons of Mosiah to Laman and Lemuel.

They all had one big thing in common... they were all wicked, once Zeezrom, Alma, and the sons of Mosiah took the truth to their hearts, and had a broken heart and a contrite spirit, they were able to change.

Laman and Lemuel saw an angel, just like Alma the younger did, but they were never converted, they were quick to forget. Alma 45:8 "  Thus we see how quick the children of men do forget the Lord their God, yea, how quick to do iniquity, and to be led away by the evil one."

I would like to think, that Alma the younger saw a part of himself in Zeerzom, how he used to be, fighting against the word of God, and how much joy he must of felt, for Zeerzom when he started to believe the teachings, to know of his Heavenly Father, and of Jesus Christ, who would come to the earth to die for the sins of all mankind. To be baptized and start teaching the people

This wasn't included in the chapter, but I also believe that Alma would of shared his own conversion story to Zeerzom, we know that Alma shared his conversion story to his son Helaman. in Alma chapter 36.

I've heard people compared  Laman and Lemuel to his brother Nephi, which is all fine, but Nephi was already righteous and had faith in God

Alma the younger, the Sons of Mosiah, Zeerzom, King Lamoni and I'm sure of many others were once wicked and once they heard the truth and gain their own testimonies and became converted, they had the change of heart, they had a broken heart and a contrite spirit.

Zeerzom gave up his riches of the world, I would say he was pretty wealthy, if he was an "expert" in his line of business. He gave up his worldly things to become converted, he never went back to being a lawyer and he started to preach the people throughout the rest of his days. King Lamoni said in Alma 22:18 "I will give away all my sins to know thee" Are there somethings that you could give up and to have a broken heart and a contrite spirit?



Watch this Mormon Message video too.

Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

My "Cool Story Bro" Attitude Towards Reading Scriptures

"But few understood the meaning of those things, and this because of the hardness of their hearts. But there were many who were so hardened that they would not look, therefore they perished. Now the reason they would not look is because they did not believe that it would heal them"
-Alma 33:20

A couple of verses within this chapter, were talking about how the prophets of old were speaking of the Son of God, and how he will come down to the earth, to atone for our sins.

Alma 33:19 "Behold, he was spoken of by Moses; yea, and behold a type was raised up in the wilderness, that whosoever would look upon it might live. And now many did look and live"

The type was the brass serpent that was on the pole, and whoever would look upon it, would be heal from their wounds, but there were many who would not cast their eyes upon it, because they didn't believe by looking, they would be heal, that it was to simple... to easy to look and be heal, so they perish. It symbolize Christ being on the cross and atoning for our sins.


Alma 33:21  "O my brethren, if ye could be healed by merely casting about your eyes that ye might be healed, would ye not behold quickly, or would ye rather harden your hearts in unbelief, and be slothful, that ye would not cast about your eyes, that ye might perish?"

As I was reading this chapter and got to verses 20 and 21. I had the thought come to mind " Like wise to not reading"

I haven't been the best with reading the Book of Mormon, I have read it once all the way through, I thought it was great, and I gain a testimony of it that first time. this was back in 2011 and since then I've read it here and there, (Meaning, I never really got past 2nd Nephi again) haven't even finished it for a second time yet.

                                  Hardness Of My Heart 

I've been to many conferences, may it be stake conference. Priesthood night?... I forgot what that was called. the Conference which your stake would do, for all the Aaronic Priesthood holders and their fathers. Watch General Conferences. Heard stories of how you need to read the scriptures and all that.

How by reading you'll have more joy etc, whatever it may be, I heard it.

I never really took it to heart though. I was like "Cool story bro" I'll get to it later.

As with anyone on this earth, I have made some mistakes, and I couldn't see how reading and praying would help with any of that, the Book of Mormon is 531 pages, would it really do anything if I were to read it?.. the answer is yes, it will do something... it will be everything.

2nd Nephi 32:3 "Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do." 

we're suppose to feast upon the words of Christ.. I was merely nibbling, would use my scriptures on Sundays at church, and I was "good"

I didn't understand how just by reading would help, as with the people who's hearts were so hardened that they would not look.

Read this, with how I read it, the 2nd time through 

"But few understood the meaning of those things, and this because of the hardness of their hearts. But there were many who were so hardened that they would not read, therefore they perished. Now the reason they would not read is because they did not believe that it would heal them"

Alma 33:21  "O my brethren, if ye could be healed by merely casting about your eyes that ye might be healed, would ye not behold quickly, or would ye rather harden your hearts in unbelief, and be slothful, that ye would not cast about your eyes, that ye might perish?"

replace the temporal death *perished* to a spiritual death.

Alma 12:24 "And we see that death comes upon mankind, yea, the death which has been spoken of by Amulek, which is the temporal death; nevertheless there was a space granted unto man in which he might repent; therefore this life became a probationary state; a time to prepare to meet God; a time to prepare for that endless state which has been spoken of by us, which is after the resurrection of the dead."

Just like how Nephi has said, for I did liken all scriptures

My question for you guys to ponder is.. is there anything which you've hardened your heart against, which you can fix?, to work on, to improve?

                                  

                                     The Change Of Heart

The change of heart came when I actually started to read.. and to put forth the effort to sit down and read. the beginning of this past week I was near the end of Mosiah, had a couple chapters until I got to Alma. read 2-3 chapters a day.. one day read 5 and the last couple of days I've been reading 10 chapters daily. I am now in Alma chapter 60.

I am feasting upon the words of Christ, when I finish the 10 chapters for the day, it feels like a cliffhanger and I want to read more. 

Elder Richard G. Scott has said

"Scriptures are like packets of light that illuminate our minds and give place to guidance and

inspiration from on high. They can become the key to open the channel to communion with our Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ." from his talk The Power Of Scriptures

D&C 88:63 "Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."

That there speaks truth.

It will take action on our part, to draw near unto Him and he'll draw near unto us.

Once I finish the Book of Mormon this time around, I'll start reading it again, and once I've finish it a 3rd time, I'll start over again and so on. through these pages you learn so much, you learn something new every time you read.

I remember from years ago, attending one of those Aaronic Priesthood Conferences, and a speaker shared this story of a young man, who went to his Bishop for help to break his addiction. He told his Bishop that he didn't want him to tell him that he needed to read his scriptures and to pray, because he wouldn't do it. Time went on and he did actually begin to read and to pray and he was able to break his addiction.

What I'm getting at is, I... you, can't be the exception, we can't have the mindset of this young man, who wanted to break his addiction, but didn't resort to drawing near unto Him for help.

I would like to challenge you all, to read the scriptures daily, and learn from them, study them. your hearts will be soften.

I've been through a good amount of spiritual experiences (As you can read throughout my blog) I wasn't reading my scriptures often, I had the thought as to "I've had these experiences, without daily scripture study, I'll be fine" But from this week alone, by reading I've came up with many ideas for teaching opportunities, as that what I want to become, a speaker to the youth within the church.
I can only imagine how many more ideas I would have, if I was studying the scriptures for the last couple of years. It is never to late to start though.

                     Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

A Silence Mouth

When I was learning how to talk, I knew I wasn't saying the words right, my mom said I stopped talking all together and didn't talk that much until I was 5...

I've said what's above once or twice on my blog.

But... a couple of days ago I made the realization that once I knew what I would say was dumb, or weird because of Aspergers, (Not because of my stutter^) I began to not talk even more. yes I am a introvert, and that adds into not being that out going.

For an example though.. that one time when I was on a camp out, and said how I have a good habit of brushing my teeth everyday. that had nothing to do with being an introvert, but did have everything to do about having Aspergers. I wanted to be apart of the conversation, I just didn't know how to be, so I blurted out that.

So once I realize what I would say was weird, I just... stopped talking to a point. If someone would ask me a question, I would answer. but being in classes at church, if the teacher asked a question, I would answer it in my own head, without saying it out loud, and someone else would actually say it.

As I'm writing this post, a memory came to mind of this one time, when I was a older primary kid, two girls were talking and one said something how her cousin Mike got married.

Me thinking it would be funny, because I had the same name, I said "Oh yeahhh" or "You betcha" I guess it wasn't that funny to them, but more weird. hahaha

This is where it gets to be a problem, after years of being afraid of what I would say, that turned into a habit of hardly talking. As with any habit, it's hard to break, I'm not really afraid of what I would say now, because I've learn what is acceptable and what isn't. but from this habit, I closed my lips

I would tell myself, people don't want to hear what I had to say, I don't want to try to join a conversation, just for me to crash and burn. I didn't want to talk, just in case I would say something slightly weird. It got to the point... instead of not wanting people to hear what I had to say, I didn't want myself to hear what I had to say.

When I was around 12 years old or so, we had the Missionaries over for dinner, and I remember talking to this one Elder, I had no problem talking to him. He said something how it's nice to talk to people. I got the impression that before his mission, he didn't talked a whole lot.

I long for the day, when talking just comes natural to me, not just when I'm talking to my friends. being an introvert I will still need my alone time, to relax, and take a breath. after being around people for so long. but I wish to be able to commentate with people still and I'll get there.

So I think that having this habit, has caused me to not be that talkative. but I'll be able to break it.
I think it's kinda funny, with how observant I was/am. I noticed I wasn't saying the words right, with how people would say them, so I stopped talking.. I noticed what I would say would be weird, so I stopped talking to a certain extent.

But yeah, that's about it for this post, was just something I thought about recently so I figured I should share it on my blog.

A Short Little Update.

Sorry for not posting for the last couple of weeks, I just didn't know what to blog about ha.

Last night was pretty fun, me and some friends went and watch the movie "Just Let Go"  it's the true story of Chris Williams. I didn't know it was a live event, so before the movie started people were talking live to the people in front of them, and people across the US who were in the theaters.

The movie was playing for one night only, but I would say to get it on dvd once it comes out, it was pretty good. Here is the Mormon Message, that Chris was in,
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7zwQ_7q-fU

Conference is coming up this week and I'm pretty excited for that, I have some questions and I know they will get answered.  If you haven't already read about the first time I had a question for Conference and it was answered here it is. so please come up with a question for yourself too... it actually works.

I really like Conference, because of all the talks being given and the great council you get. when I was younger I didn't paid much attention to it, but when I was older I started  do more.

I don't really have much to say at this moment. sorry for the short post, next week will be longer, I'll need to come up with topics ahead of time, like what I was doing before.

Listen to this song, that was in the movie.. it was pretty great, it was actually how I learn about the movie... I listen to it a lot haha.

Developing Our Talents

This past Sunday I gave a lesson in gospel principles, the lesson was on developing our talents. It's a good topic and so this post will be about that as well. 

Everyone of us, were given talents, special gifts and abilities. We should use these to help strengthen each other, during the great, and not so great parts of life.

In the GP book, it reads "Sometimes we think we do not have many talents or that other people have been blessed with more abilities then we possess. Sometimes we do not use our talents because we are afraid that we might fail or be criticized by others. We should not hide our talents. We should use them." 

I remember when I was 10-13 years old, I asked my mom if I had any talents, because I didn't see myself having any. I saw some other people talents and abilities, but I couldn't see my own. 

"But Michael, I actually feel the like that, I don't see myself having any talents at all" 

In the GP book, it list 6 things... I'll just call them the 6 tips.

1) There are certain things we must do to develop our talents, First we must discover our talents. We should evaluate ourselves to find our strengths and abilities. Our family and friends can help us do this. We should also ask our Heavenly Father to help us learn about our talents

2) We must be willing to spend the time and effort to develop the talent we are seeking.

3) We must have faith that our Heavenly Father will help us, and we must have faith in ourselves 

4) We must learn the skills necessary for us to develop our talents. We might do this by taking a class, asking a friend to teach us, or reading a book.

5) We must practice using our talents. Every talent takes effort and work to develop. The master of a talent must be earned

6) We must share our talents with others. It is by our using our talents that they grow

All of these steps are easier if we pray and seek the Lord's help. He wants us to develop our talents, and He will help us.

Those are really great tips. if you don't put in any effort into discovering the talents, you won't develop them. Share your talents so you'll become better with the talent and they will grow.

And sometimes... we must go through a trial before we discover a talent/gift/abilities

For me, I had to go through growing up with Aspergers and how hard that was for me, but from that trial, I learn to write. I could of stopped writing once things got better, I could of not share my poetry to others, I was on and off with writing for awhile, I could of stopped then and never write poetry again. because I didn't see my poetry as good, I was confused with how people could possible like my poetry. 

But now I see how much my poetry can help and strengthen other people, I'm glad I still write today.

We can still develop our talents during our weakness. 

If you've read some of my earlier blog posts, you would know that I want to become a speaker to the youth within the church. to be able to do that.. you actually have to speak, I have had the fear because of my speech, would I even be able to become a speaker?. but since I've been teaching in church more often, I can actually see myself becoming one. I will still stutter every so often, but yeah, that's my weakness. I liked what it says in the GP book

"Because we are mortal and fallen, we have weaknesses. With the Lord's help, our weakness and fallen nature can be overcome. Beethoven composed his greatest music after he was deaf. Enoch overcame his slowness of speech to become a powerful teacher" 

I really like the end of that... Enoch overcame his slowness of speech to become a powerful teacher. I think of myself as a good teacher, not a "powerful" teacher ha, but I can use that to relate to what I want to become... a speaker.

This is also from the GP book.

Heber J Grant overcame many of his weakness and turned them into talents. He had as a motto these words "That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do, not that the nature of the thing is changed, but that our power to do is increased"

"But Michael, that's all nice and all... but I can't sing, write, make art, not good with making things with my hands etc, I don't have any talents" 

Oh, my young padawan.

Sometimes talents aren't meant for the stage, talents could be, being patient, understanding of others, being cheerful, being a good teacher/leader the list can go on, don't think about being in a talent show, but being in a variety show.

We're all here to help uplift each other. 

I wrote this poem for the lesson I gave. 

Hello, I am your talent

Listen to what I have to say

I may not fit in on the center stage

I'm with you everyday

Patience, cheerfulness, a good listener, to name a few

Are things I could be

No voice of an angel, no art in my hands,

Not all talents fit the same door, there's multiple keys

You may not notice me

But others around do

It's your actions which speak volumes

I am what people turn to

You worry you have no talents

Nothing to show

That you are doing nothing special

But if you only knew, you help people to grow

Now you see

With what I had to say

I'm your talent

You've seen my view

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Listen to your talents.

To end this post, watch this video 

Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

Trying new things.

Hey, so this post will be about my idea I had for sometime with vlogging, it's like blogging.. but you record it and talk instead of typing it out for people to read

I'll still be making posts every Tuesday on my blog, the vlogs will be about my weight loss progress, and I plan to vlog about other things too.

It's going to be difficult at first, because it's talking vs typing, but I'll get use to it and get better with it.

I'll leave a link to my vlog in this post, but yeah.. I hope you guys like it, don't worry because it'd get better for sure ha. yesterday when I was making this vlog I thought "What did I got myself into?" I kept messing up and only was able to get those "okay" clips... so yeah, a month or longer I should be a lot better.

But yeah.. trying new things, we'll see how this goes.

This post is kinda sort.. but I'll give you with a scripture Jacob 6:12 "O be wise, what can I say more?"

When you think of it, it's great... you know the Gospel, have a testimony etc, when you have that.. it's basically "Be wise, what can I say more?"

Three Days To Three Months

Three days.... three weeks.... three months

I was in the habit of reading pretty much daily, and even listen to General Conference talks during those days as well. When I was in the habit, I felt great.

I know I'm not the only one who has lost this habit of reading, praying and so forth in their lives.

Be it going through a really tough trial or addiction, that we face, that is when we need to hold onto reading, praying, daily.

I lost track of reading and I would check on my Gospel Library app (For those who don't know, this is an app that has all of the scriptures on it, teaching manuals, hymns, pretty much anything you can think of for the church, you don't even need to be a Mormon to use it, so feel free to go and install it)

I would noticed the last time I read, which was a couple of days, didn't check it for sometime, so that number went into the weeks... and when I saw it again, it started to get into the months and then I saw it at three months.

During this whole time I didn't felt great, I knew what I should of been doing, but I felt like I was not "worthy" to read or pray, but whenever you read, at least for me you feel a lot better, your day just turn into a good day, even if you have some bumps along the way for that day.

scripture time:

2nd Nephi 32:8-9 "And now, my beloved brethren, I perceive that ye ponder still in your hearts; and it grieveth me that I must speak concerning this thing. For if ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray, ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray.

 9 But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul."

Satan is good at what he does, he know how to make you feel like you don't matter in the sight of God, or need I say, in the sight of anyone.

He doesn't want you to develop those habits, because he knows if you do, he most likely will not have power over you.

Helaman 5:12 "And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."

I'm going to start reading General Conference talks daily, like what I was doing earlier, because along with reading scriptures and praying, reading a talk daily made me even more happy and gave me more peace,

My recent tab in the app for where I left off with reading, now says "16 hours ago" instead of "3 months ago" so it still means I need to read for today, but having it to 16 hours ago vs 3 months ago is a big improvement. So no matter where you are, go forward and get into those habits again.

Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

 

  

A Small Rant?- Friendboat vs Friendship

This last week was pretty fun, I went on a YSA camp out, hung out with some people from the branch, some fun conversations, me and some *friends*... I struggle at times with knowing if someone is a friend or a acquaintance

Maybe it has something to do with lack of social knowledge, people I know back in my old ward in Pasco, I know their my friends, because they have mentioned it before

There are some people in the branch, who I have just given the label "Friend" because whenever we see each other, we have  some conversations. 

But then again, when I'm having one of "Those days" because of Aspergers, I debate with the label friend... here I'll expound on this.

When I hear the word friendship, it means to me that you see  this person often and or you talk to this person regularly, 

Aghh... writing this blog, I'm trying not to offend anyone

Alright, looks like it's that time of the blog again... "Shout out to Levi" as Levi calls them haha.

We're friends, his one of the people I've just given the label too at the start, didn't really know if we were actually friends or not, we talked a couple times throughout the week, crack jokes etc. 

But for a good while, I wasn't sure if we were friends or not, I'm glad to know that he was really thankful of when he moved here a year and some months ago, that I started a conversation up with him, as I was handing out the bulletins before sacrament meeting started and then went and sat by him. 

I normally don't do that, because it's getting out of my comfort zone a lot, but that day I just happened to do it and I'm glad I did.

During the camp out, I hung out with a group of people from my branch, that was nice.. just to be in the company of some people. I don't talk a whole lot in groups but I also had some moments

one of them were doing the chubby bunny game, you basically see how many marshmallows you can fit into your mouth, one got 9 and they were saying how it was my turn, my plan was to win and get past 9, which I did.. I got 10 hah, later that night.. the person who got 9, someone put candy in front of him and he said "Well it's in front of me, I guess I'll have to eat it now" so I grabbed the bag where we spit the marshmallows into and put it in front of him, then everyone laughed and he threw the bag away haha...

I hope I didn't bugged anyone from this group I hang out with, I was wondering that during the weekend, would they be annoyed if I tag along

I would say though, that I have a harder time with knowing if a female is a acquaintance or friend, mostly every guy I talk to at the branch I have given the friend label at some point or another.

At times they feel more like friendboats and not friendships. 

a friendship, you actually hang out with this person sometimes, I was pretty nervous for when my friend Brittion came for my birthday, we hadn't seen each other since 2011 at efy, but the spending time together went quite good.. my friend Mitchell who's on his mission right now, we would spend time with each other a couple of times before he left, I was worried with how the  one on one would be like, because I never experienced that to a great deal before hand, it's something that went better then I had expected it to go

I must admit though... sometimes I do get jealous of people in the branch, being able to talk to each other  so freely, but having my little group of people I talk to weekly is nice, it's something I didn't always had in my old ward.

 didn't really had many people to hang out with, even now I don't go to many things other then church related activities. on the good note though, the 3 years being in Kennewick and the branch, I've been to more get together then my teen years, not a whole ton though.

I could probably go on more with talking about the sad and negativity of the past and all that... why should I though?.. so I'll just end it here.

I hope I didn't offend anyone from this post, if you already see us as being friends, that's great

I wasn't writing this post for pity either. 

The post just turned into a small rant about friends and acquaintances, I wonder if people without Aspergers struggle with these terms too, or does it just magically connect because their able to read each other so well?

Stay chill as a penguin everyone.

Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

New Poems

This poem is about eternal marriage, (a doctrine  in the  LDS church, that marriage does not end after death, but last threw the eternities, if you're sealed in the LDS Temples"

Until death do we part
Is that how God wanted marriage to end?
That after a life time with your love, everything will just fall apart?
No matter how unify you are, it won't extend

Writing on paper withers away
The power of the Priesthood is never ending
If we stay faithful, we'll be together again, past our final days
Marriage is unending

By your love for the rest of your life
This is God's plan
That death does not end, husband and wife
Hold faithful, that we may follow this plan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reversed poem, so once you get to the bottom, read it again from bottom going back to the top

The still small voice people say
Quietly spoken, a burning fire within
Stay close to His guidance, that he won't go away
A Warmth rushing threw your skin

He bears comfort, in the ups and downs
Bears witness of the Father and his Son
His there to protect us, listen to his sounds
Through him, we can be guided to help loved ones

By the laying of hands
We received this gift
He helps us to follow God's plans
The light of Christ helps to lift

By him, I can stand and say I believe
Through my testimony, I know this is true
By everything I've receive
This feeling is true

The Still small voice people say
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chalk in hand, Let the art begin
Swiftly moving, the beauty within
One movement at a time
Rainbow on the skin

Drawing here and there
Thoughts on the cement
Surface once bare
The artist present

A new beginning
Staring at his art
Finding edges for thinning
He knows his colors by heart

Clouds turning shades, Keep on drawing
A smile upon his face
Rain starts falling
He knows his creation will be erased

But it's the memories which he'll keep
It what matters in this life
His morning's beauty sleep
Make the best of your life
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Poem about the temples

Holiness to the Lord
Is inscribed on every temple worldwide
We have this beacon, because the Gospel was restored
By living worthily we can go inside

Covenants and ordinances binds on earth and heaven above
People who have past and gone, can receive as well
That no soul may fall sort of, this is made possible by God's love
In the temples, God is able to dwell

Through those walls, we feel nothing but peace
Personal revelation ever clear
The spirit will not cease
We have nothing to fear

It's the closest we can be, to Heaven on earth
Strive to go often
That we may see our real worth
Our hearts may be soften

Each time we go
We learn something more
Every time we go through
Our faith soar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another reversed poem

Sunset, how magical you are
As bright as a golden star

Your reflections in the river
Overthrow my body with shivers


I'm amazed at the beauty
I hope you never go off duty

the beautiful colors shining high in the air
I hope no one is unaware

how amazing you are
My evening star

Darkness returns
Sunset and mood take turns

I can barely see my golden star anymore
a cold breeze on the shore


Leaving me on a cold night
I need my magical leading light

Sunset disappearing
I can't help but interfering

But in the end
I'll see you again, my friend.

I hope you all enjoy these poems, I'm thankful I have this gift with writing, if you have any suggestions for a new poem, hit me up.

God's Servants Are Called By Him

I've been thinking about making a post like this, ever since I found out that Elder L Tom Perry had past on.

I haven't always liked listening to General Conference when I was younger, but when I was a teen, I started to listen more and now I love General Conference.

The first time I ever had a question for General Conference, Elder L Tom Perry was the one who answered it, you can read about my experience with it Here

That experienced had impacted me so much that I can still hear his voice saying "My young friend has some difficult challenges. They limit him in some ways, but in other ways he is extraordinary"

He wasn't talking about me, but of a person he actually knew... but it still struck me.

I'm thankful that he was worthy to have been called as an Apostle, that Heavenly Father was able to use him to bless His children. That he was truly called of God.

When I heard that he had died, I was sad for a short moment, but was also happy because he'll be in the present of Heavenly Father, his own family who had past on, and everyone else

I know that whoever replaces Perry's and Packer's will be called of God, that we don't need to worry who they will call, because it isn't the "who" it's God who choose, by revelation they are called.

 Article of faith 5 " We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof."

There's this video which I love, and it's from a talk given by Elder L Tom Perry. I hope you enjoy it as well.

Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

Some Social Improvements

Last week, a friend of mine from my old family ward in Pasco came over to hang out, that was pretty nice, ha. just catching up

At one point we were talking about the video from the talent show, he was saying how I would of never done anything like that back in our home ward... and his right, I agree with him 100%. Back in my old ward, I didn't really talk to a lot of people, I had about 2-4 people I would talk to, he being one of them. I was just... a lot quieter then I am now, hah

I'm still a pretty quiet person now, but I have improved a lot. I've been talking to some more people here at YSA activities.. I wasn't really the first one to do the talking though, so I still need to work on that.. it's pretty hard ha. 

People have really been liking my poems hah, so that's great, I wrote a poem last week about the temple, I'll share it at the end of this post.

I didn't really had any ideas for this blog post, so... sorry about that haha. I'll be giving the lesson in church this week, it'd be about service, maybe I could try to write a poem for that subject.

This is my 100th post on my blog, since I started, but I stopped mid 2013 and nothing in 2014, but yeah... I'm going to share the poem about eternal marriage too, seeing temple and eternal marriage fits together, haha ;p.

 Holiness to the Lord

Is inscribed on every temple worldwide

We have this beacon, because the Gospel was resorted

By living worthily we can go inside

Covenants and ordinances binds on earth and heaven above

People who have past and gone, can receive as well

That no soul may fall sort of, this is made possible by God's love

In the temples, God is able to dwell

Through those walls, we feel nothing but peace 

Personal revelation ever clear

The spirit will not cease

We have nothing to fear

It's the closest we can be, to Heaven on earth

Strive to go often

That we may see our real worth

Our hearts may be soften

Each time we go

We learn something more

Every time we go through

Our faith soar

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Until death do we part

Is that how God wanted marriage to end?

That after a life time with your love, everything will just fall apart?

No matter how unify you are, it won't extend

Writing on paper withers away

The power of the Priesthood is never ending

If we stay faithful, we'll be together again, past our final days

Marriage is unending

By your love for the rest of your life

This is God's plan

That death does not end, husband and wife

Hold faithful, that we may follow this plan

I Hate When People Cry

I hate when people stream tears from sadness, not because I feel uncomfortable around them when they do. But because I don't want them to feel that way, I would just like to give them a hug and have the tears go away.

I haven't really faced this much though.

The first experience I had, when I was standing right next to someone who was crying..
was in EFY 2009, I was 16.

It was on Friday, the last full day of EFY. we were singing the efy medley in our group's circles. when someone started to cry.. I got an overwhelming feeling I needed to do something. I left my circle and went over to the bathroom and grab some tissues. when I was leaving, my leader asked me where I was going, I just said "I'll be right back" I came back and gave this girl and another one who was crying some tissues.

The girl who was crying first, when I tapped her on her shoulder to hand her the  tissues, she just hugged me and I felt some of her tears land on my shoulder. I will never forget that moment

Please know, that if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always here, I'll much rather help and talk to someone, then see them face their own pains or trials by themselves.

I guess that's just the kind of guy I am.
I would just like to be able to hug your pain away, but I simply can't ha, it's not possible.


Christ, he died for us, because he loved us so much. he died so we may return and live with our Heavenly Father again. He did all of this... out of love

First Nephi 19:9 "And the world, because of their iniquity, shall judge him to be a thing of naught; wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him, and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men."

He knows every pain you're going through, turn to him for help, his Atonement isn't just for repenting. he is the perfect example of love and compassion, among many other things.



Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

You Are A Inspiration.

                                                   You're an inspiration. 

I've been hearing that a lot lately, my friends say  I'm inspiring their own lives and they say a lot of other people as well.

I think this is pretty... amazing actually. when I was 17, I had a thought come to mind, that I'm here to help people, to be their light, to be their example.. that is what my "mission" in life is.

And throughout the years, I've been realizing how true that is. 

A friend has said "you are a light to everyone who knows you" oh.. crap I'm on fire, does anyone have some water to put the fire out?, hahaha... but really though.

When she told me that, what I thought at first were these two scriptures Matthew 5:16 "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven"

And 3rd Nephi 18:24 "Therefore, hold up your light that it may shine unto the world. Behold I am the light which ye shall hold up—that which ye have seen me do. Behold ye see that I have prayed unto the Father, and ye all have witnessed." 

Christ is our main light source, he wants us to shine our own lights, that it may shine unto all the world. 

A couple of weeks ago, when I was done with work, I was thinking to myself how a lot of people are saying how I'm an inspiration etc. I had a small moment of pride, I was thinking how cool I was and all that.. but I quickly caught onto what I was thinking, and made that pride-ish feeling go away. 

I now know how easy it can be for people to become prideful. during that moment I looked up a scripture. (And yeah... I know I'm pretty cool, haha. but I mean like I'm better then other people)

Alma 26:12 " Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever."

I don't boast of myself, I will boast of my God.

My Heavenly Father is the one who is shaping me into the person he wants me to be, he saw what I could become, he gave me challenges in life to overcome. I'm just holding his Son's light, for the world to see. 

                                     We are all inspirations 

I'm not the only one who can/is a inspiration.

Parent's should be inspirations to their kids, they should teach them, help them to grow, lead by examples 

Youth Leaders/Sunday School teachers should be a inspiration, should be an example

You're Bishopric/Branch Presidency should be inspirations/examples 

You're friends should be the same, they should help to lift each other, you and me, everyone need to help lift each other. 

Yes, I understand I've gone and I'm going through some challenges, some life challenges like Aspergers, and how I've accepted it, and can talk about it so freely, and share my experiences about it. That is an inspiration, I will not deny that, because it's true.  

Don't get me wrong, I love it when you guys all say that, that I'm an example/inspiration, because I want to be a motivational speaker, going to youth conferences and speaking just sounds.. amazing, and I'll be so happy if I can get a chance to become a speaker to the youth. (And even the older people within the church, not just youth) 

So, don't stop saying it, haha, but I also want you all to know.. that you are all examples and inspirations to people as well. 

We are all holding Christ's light, some are brighter then others, but you know what?.. if you're light is dimmer then others, you always have a chance to make it shine a little brighter. 

You're friends/leaders who shine their light brighter then yours, look to them as examples, and live the Gospel.. you're dim light will become brighter. 

I really... really appreciate all of your kind words, they mean so much to me, and for sharing my video from the talent show, I uploaded it last week and it already have 200 views on it. I'm just so grateful that people were sharing the video, that it may reach other people, who may needed to hear my poem about the Atonement, or to hear my spoken word poem about growing up with Aspergers, but finding my hidden talent... writing.

 Also know, that Heavenly Father does not give you trials which is to much for you to bear, he will give you tough trials in life... but at the end of those trials, you grow.. you grew into the person He wanted you to be. I can see that in my own life. I just wanted an "Easy Button" to push and get rid of Aspergers, because I thought it was to much for me, but after those years. I now know that he was shaping me into the person he wanted me to be. 

To end the post, know that you are and can be examples and inspirations to people as well. I'm thankful and grateful for every single friend I have today. 

Watch this video as well, it's pretty good, ha  

Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

YSA Talent Show

Hey everyone, this last Monday all three YSA Branches combined in the Tri-Cities had a talent show and I recite some of my poems.

It was an amazing night, I was a little nervous waiting to go up and then just a little bit at the start, but it went really good.

The only thing I might of done differently was standing up there longer... I kinda just walked off a few seconds after my last poem ha..

After the show I got a lot of great comments, it was awesome, I'm so thankful that I have this talent of  writing.

Somebody said that she could see me speaking in schools and sharing my poetry to the students, and then I told her about my goal of being a speaker to the youth within the church, she was really excited and agree with me that I should. I guess this goal of mine is more real then just thoughts now. that other people can actually see me being a speaker, which is just amazing :D.

I also noticed a couple of people from my old ward in Pasco were also there, it was great to share my spoken word poem, so people could actually see how I really  felt. Words are powerful

One thing I forgot to mention fully while I was up there, I did said I started writing to get emotions out, but I forgot to say that my first poems were all sad, and how I don't really show them to many people anymore because, their just.. pretty sad stuff haha.

The Lost Connection, I Can't Read You.

Hey, this post will be quite funny, some parts may get a bit "creepy", but just grab your popcorn and enjoy.

We all know I have Aspergers, with Aspergers I can't read body/facial language... I can't read the built in language

What does that mean?.. well... it means I don't know anything about body/facial  language, if you're trying to send clues of wanting to change subject, or something like that, if I been talking about a certain topic for awhile and you're tried of hearing it, I won't catch onto your  majestic language hahaha.... :p....

Oh man, just imagine flirting and someone giving me the "clues/moves" that they actually like me. If that would even happen?, hahaha, if it does even happen, I won't noticed it.

You might be thinking that nonverbal communication isn't really that important, that you'll be able to live without it... well..

" How much of communication is really nonverbal?

One of the most frequently quoted statistics on nonverbal communication is that 93% of all daily communication is nonverbal. Popular science magazines, students and media outlets frequently quote this specific number.

So where does the number come from? Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of Silent Messages, conducted several studies on nonverbal communication. He found that 7% of any message is conveyed through words, 38% through certain vocal elements, and 55% through nonverbal elements (facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc).  Subtracting the 7% for actual vocal content leaves one with the 93% statistic.

However, studying human behavior is a challenging task. The inherent flaws of social scientific research methodology combined with the incredible dynamic nature of human behavior make this specific quantification close to impossible.

The fact of the matter is that the exact number is irrelevant. Knowing that communication is specifically 75% nonverbal or 90% nonverbal holds no practical applications. The important part is that most communication is nonverbal. In fact, nonverbal behavior is the most crucial aspect of communication.

Based on my own research, I would state that the amount of communication that is nonverbal varies between 60 and 90% on a daily basis.  This number depends on both the situation and the individual."

^ The study

Well... crap... 60 to 90% on a daily basis. How can anyone live without feeling totally... disconnected with people?, easy answer, they don't. even with my friends who I crack jokes with

My friend Levi is a good example, I crack jokes with him a lot, I give him a lot of smart alec comments which we'll just laugh about. but at the end of the day, I am still missing the full connection.

That is why I like texting or facebook.. there is no body/facial expressions, just words, no eye contact, I also like talking to people in person because.. it's just nice. the online friends I have told about me and Aspergers, are always like "But you don't seem like nothing is wrong with you" which is because we just talk through a screen, if we were in person, they would be able to pick it up quite quickly.

A few weeks ago my sister who's 16, will be 17 next month, anyways. she was... giving me a test
She would display facial expressions and have me guess what they were, If the "test" had a grade, it would be a F-. I got about 2 right out of... a lot.. :p.

I thought "Confused" was "Concerned" and so on, the only two I got right were Happy, and Sad.
So great, I'll know if you're happy or sad, but in between, heck to the no.

Me and my same sister went and got frozen yogurt a few months ago, and we were sitting in the car. she told me *About the cashier*  "You can tell everything about that person, just by his facial expressions" I looked.. a few seconds later I said "Nope :|" she asked why and I simply said "Aspergers" and we both laughed.

Alright, now to get into the "creepy" part of this post. when I'm watching a Movie/TV/Youtube (Mainly just Youtube, because I do that by myself, vs watching movies with people)  and I'm looking at people faces.. I pause, go back and watch their faces again, I repeat this time after time, just last night I did it about 7-10 times on just one person and his facial expression. I would pause it right at his face, and I would try to "study" it, I would look everywhere on his face. after the 10th try, I just gave up and let the video go on.

If I could have some sort of power, that'd be it.. to freeze time, I would just look at all of your faces closely, and try to figure it out, try to study it, to even see if I could tell anything about it.
You can't just go up to people and be like "Let me study your face, don't move" because not only would that be insanely creepy... well yeah, it'd just be creepy, let leave it at that, haha.

To end this blog post, I'm glad I can share my experience with Aspergers, that I'm more open about it with people, it's apart of me, and I have been more accepting of it myself as the years go on.




                              Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

My Life With Stuttering

Well here we go, stuttering.. that's a pretty big part of me, isn't it?... in a way I suppose ha

Imagine waking up one day, and having trouble speaking, you stutter every few words at times, you need to take in a breath and relax to even have a conversation, if not then you stutter worse, trying to push those words through.

Well.. I guess if you just woke up one day like that, vs me who was born this way, it would probably be a pretty hard life transition, and you'll be freaking out... hah...

Many of you have already heard me talk. amazing isn't it?, being quiet like myself, haha. When I was younger, my stutter was a lot worse, maybe that's another reason why I'm pretty quiet now?, that and having trouble socially because of Aspergers haha... but yeah, when someone ask what's my name, it  gets to me and I'm always like "M--M--Mi---Mich---Michael" a couple of times, people have said my name wrong after I said it. I just go with it instead of correcting them, if I'm not going to see this person again, why can't I use some another name for that day?. haha...

This doesn't happen much anymore, but when I was younger... oh man, it was the most annoying thing ever. I would be talking to someone at church and once I was done saying something, they would say something back.. you know, like how most conversations go right?. well and what they would say in responds had nothing to do with what I said, or I'll be asking like a yes or no type question, and the person didn't understand me, so he/she would just be like "Yeah" and nod their head in agreement ha.

My mom has told me, sometime after I had learn how to talk, I just stopped talking altogether. because I knew I was saying words wrong, I knew people weren't really understanding me, so I just pointed and said very few words. I didn't start to actually talk that much until I was like 5.
I was in this one program for kids before they were old enough for pre-school, with learning disabilities, I still remember some of it. anyways we did a field trip one day and got a pumpkin because Halloween was coming up

I don't remember this at all, but my mom has told me that after the trip I was upset and tried telling her what happened. She couldn't understand what I was saying. probably the only time she ever didn't know what I was saying. a few days later, one of the teachers told her what I was upset about. I think it had something to do with someone taking a pumpkin I had picked out and wanted. Dang you Jimmy.... (Just kidding, I don't remember the kid's name ha)

Yeah... my stutter was so bad that my mom didn't even knew what I was saying, and she had always knew what I was saying, vs my siblings (When we were pretty young)

When I was 12 or 13, I went to a youth activity and there was this new kid there... I remember that we were talking and the whole ride home I was so excited because he understood... he understood what I was saying. I went to my mom and I was like "There's someone that can actually understands me!"

You probably know this already, but people who stutter, don't stutter when they sing, so when I was younger I would sing in the house, just because when I was singing it came out clear vs talking.
That's probably why I like to sing in church ha.


I was in speech therapy for 12 years, when I was older, I hated going to those.

But yeah.. I still stutter today, when I'm talking to new people, or people who I'm not that comfortable around yet. I still stutter when I tell people what my name is, still stutter when I try to say hi to people. but it isn't bad like it used to be.. it is much better, and I'm grateful for that
Like last week, I was nervous before the lesson, I then got comfortable, I only stutter on some words.

That's why I like writing and having a blog, but I also want to be a speaker to the youth.. and I'll be able to do that. might be hard at first, but I'll get comfortable with it.

scripture time.. hah...

 Exodus 4:10-12 "And Moses said unto the Lord, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.
And the Lord said unto him, Who hath made man’s mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the Lord?"

Ether 12:27 "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."


                          Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

My Goal With Being A Speaker To The Youth

Hey, it's that time of the week again.. so.. hello :D..

One of my dreams in life has been to be a EFY Counselor, and then to be a speaker to the youth within the church. It would just be amazing to be a speaker such as John Bytheway or Hank Smith and so on.

When I went to my last efy as a youth in 2011, the feeling of being a speaker was stronger then before.

Even though I want to be a speaker... there's something you do as a speaker... you speak.
I wondered how could I be as funny as Bytheway and Hank, control the room, make people laugh, have people learn, have the spirit set in and so on.

This past Sunday, I taught in gospel principles, there were about 10-15 people in the room, the lesson was on the gift of the holy ghost. I was nervous before hand, because I had taught in that class before, only 3 times and personally, I didn't do good. But this Sunday... it was awesome.

Before I started the class, I said that I have Aspergers Syndrome, I explained what it was, and I said that it's hard to keep eye contact, so if you're giving a comment/thought, please know it's not you, it's me. then I laughed and everyone else laughed.

I started the lesson, I would ask some questions, people answered with their experiences, their thoughts and so on, I would look at some of the notes I came up with and would use them

During the lesson, I noticed, my voice was echoing in the small room, so I just stopped talking and said "It's echoing in this room..." and then we all laughed.

The whole time giving this lesson, I felt comfortable, I brought the spirit into the room as I was giving this lesson, I shared some of my own experiences about the Holy Ghost. I even wrote a poem to go along with the lesson, which you can read at the end of this post.

It was just a perfect lesson. later that night I thought about my goal of being a speaker to the youth.. and for the first time, I could actually really picture myself being there, teaching.

I had also thought that my speech would get in the way of being a speaker. but I had only stuttered a couple of times from giving this lesson. I just felt really comfortable and that "I can do this"
I'm thankful that I told Levi I wouldn't mind giving a lesson sometime (His the branch missionary leader) so he picks who to give the lesson.

It looks like my friend Paul's words were right..

"Your doubt only slows you down.
He put you here to make a difference.
You need to believe in yourself in order to make that difference."

Even though speaking in front of the youth will have a lot more people then 10-15, I know I'll be able to do it now.


I can't wait for the years ahead, and I'm excited to teach in the class again.

I also used this video in my lesson 

 It's a reversed poem, so once you get to the bottom, read it again from bottom going back to the top

The still small voice, people say
Quietly spoken, a burning fire within
Stay close to His guidance, that he won't go away
A warmth rushing through your skin

He bears comfort, in the ups and downs
Bears witness of the Father and His Son
He's there to protect us. Listen to his sounds
Through him, we can be guided to help loved ones

By the laying on of hands
We received this gift
He helps us to follow God's plans
The light of Christ helps to lift

By him, I can stand and say I believe
Through my testimony, I know this is true
By everything I've received
This feeling is true
The still small voice, people say

                      Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

Birthday Weekend

Hey everyone, this weekend was pretty great, my friend Brittion who I met at efy in 2011 and only talked to a couple of times at efy, but we got to know each other a lot since efy, came and visited me for my birthday weekend. ha it was pretty great

My friend Levi helped and drove to Spokane to pick Brittion from the airport with me

Brittion kind of convince me into getting a haircut hah :p (The woman in this picture was the person who cut my hair, she's pretty cool, she seen me in Craft Warehouse (Where I work) while I was working ha.
 

 

The weekend was a lot of fun, at first I was kind of worry with how I'll do with having him here and me having Aspergers, would there be a lot of awkward silence?, but there wasn't that much, we talked a lot and just hang out 

On Saturday we got the haircut, I also had a group of friends and went to watch the Avengers movie, that was fun as well, sometime after that, Me Brittion and my friend Sydney went and had dinner before the YSA  regional activity, which was a barn dance

That was pretty fun as well, haha at one point, everyone sang happy birthday to me, a lot of people there so it was all loud ha, Brittion said  the look on my face looked like I was going to throw up ha :p 

I was like "Dang.. this is a lot of people..." I didn't know what to do so I just looked around ha :pp, it was a good evening though ha

Here's a picture of the YSA dance, there were more people outside too, we had about 200 people there, so yeah.. what would you've done with having 200 people sing happy birthday to you?, hahaha

On a note from Sunday during Sacrament meeting, the Elder Quorum (Basically just every guy from the branch)  were asked to sing "Where Can I Turn For Peace?" three weeks ago,  when we first went over the song.. it did not sound good at all, ha.. next week it sounded better, then this last Sunday, when we sang it in Sacrament meeting, it sounded amazing, I loved it, I was able to feel the spirit during it, I wish I could re-listen to it.

 it was so good ha :P

I'm thankful for every friend I have, you are all amazing. Thanks for being my friend and talking to me

Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

Working Out Update and Making First Impressions

Working out has been going great, I will reach 100+ miles this week and it has only been about 8-9 days biking, crazy huh?. this will be the last time I share the total miles, until I am all the way finished, just to make it a real big surprise. Also on Friday I was able to bike 15 miles in the same amount of time I biked 13, so that was awesome!, I haven't done it since then, my legs have been killing.. they might go to jail soon, which would suck.. could someone bail them out please? hahaha

This is what I have been eating. in the mornings I have a shake, the days I go into work then head to gym right after work, I take a low-fat yogurt and eat that before heading to the gym, I also bring a bag of carrots which I eat after I finished working out while I wait for the bus, then once i'm home I either make a salad (No ranch dressing) I use some healthier kind and it taste pretty good, or I make some tomato soup and two chicken breasts. then if I'm hungry a couple of hours later, I have a protein bar, then make something for dinner.

Getting the membership is a big step for actually being able to lose the weight, I have tried to lose weight in the past, and I did actually, the most I ever lost was when I was 18 and working towards getting mission ready, I lost 40 pounds, but things came up, moving and got out of the habit, now I'm paying for the membership and don't really want to waste my money, so.. ha.


This is going to be an awesome week, it is my birthday on the 31st, I'm getting a group of friends together to go watch the Avengers movie, and then later that evening is a YSA activity, which is a barn dance, so that'd be pretty cool. Also a good friend of mine who I met at efy in 2011 is flying on Friday and staying for my birthday weekend!, ha how awesome is that?
I hope to be able to take pictures of the weekend so I can share them for next week's post.


I want to talk about first impressions, people say first impressions are everything.
I've realize that I'm not good with first impressions. people may think I'm to quiet, I don't look them in the eyes while talking, I move my hands around my face as I talk to some people, when I'm nervous I mess around with my wrist watch. I'm not much of a talker in groups. I have my moments, a few weeks ago at a YSA BBQ a friend of mine was talking about getting her nails done, I pulled my hands out of my pockets and said "Oh I need to get my nails done too!" said in a jokingly way, the group of friends laughed, I laughed as well. but 90% of the time I just listen. I'm a lot better with one on one conversations, but it's also hard for me to go up and be the first one to talk.

I've noticed there have been some people from the branch who say hi to me, and talk a little with me, but I'm still not "at the point" when I feel comfortable going up to them and talking first, and by doing this, it may drive them away because their trying to talk to me but I may seem to be "avoiding them"

Like just yesterday, my YSA Branch was doing a BBQ/Swim activity, I walked around, listened in of a group talking, walked around again,  because I felt awkward just standing by the group not talking, then I just stood by myself and  I was just noticing how everyone was talking to each other, I thought how is that possible?.. how are they doing it?, why can't I be like them?

Ah, what a life of being an introvert and having Aspergers, hahah, but it's my life.
It likes I want to be social, but I don't know how. I guess I just need to work on it, work on at least trying to say "Hi" first. it's a two letter word, you'll think it'd be easy enough, right? haha
That is my challenge for this week, to try to talk first, we'll see how it goes :D.



                          Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

How I Began Writing Poetry

Hey guys, well guess what?... I got my gym membership this last Thursday.

So now you'll finally be hearing about my weight loss on this blog and not just experiences I've been in and about Asperger's.  which is good, it's good to share my experiences from my life, to let people see how my life was for me in my eyes.

But I'm excited to be doing some posts about my progress with losing the weight,

Within three days of working out, I biked 40 miles, I'm going to keep track of every mile, it'd be good to keep track for progress and just for when I'm a speaker for the youth and so on.

Well, that about sums up for the working out, for now. so I'll share about me and poetry
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I started writing back in 2010, I had barely turned 17, if you all remember, I was 16 when my breaking point had happened. I started to write, to get emotions out, they started out as long umm stories?

I'll give an example of one of my first stories.
It was titled "The Lonely Guy" It was about a guy in a class,  it started as someone noticing this guy was alone in the classroom, from this person point of view, seeing that he was alone, everyone else in the  class didn't want anything to do with him, and this person was debating weather or not  to go sit by him. the story then switches to the perspective of this lonely guy, and then switches back again to this person, the person was saying in his/her head that their friends don't talk to this guy, why should he/she start talking to this guy, what would my friends think? etc. at the end, the guy had some tears fell down as he got up, this person saw something fall down, so he/she went over to the chair and noticed there was a single tear drop on the chair, as lonely as the guy. It ended with that metaphor.

I then started to shorten them into free verse poetry (non-rhyming) I would write sad poetry and "loveish" type poems. I would share my poetry with some of my friends, and they all asked me how long have I been writing for?.. I would say "Uh.. that's my first poem" and they'd be amazed and say they would of guessed I have been writing for years. I guess it was just one of those hidden talents, huh?.  I now try to write in rhymes

I remember at a youth dance, I was sitting with a guy I knew and showed him one of my poems called "Broken Heart" haha, he loved it and shared it around with some of his friends, a girl was like "O my gosh, this is so sad, did this actually happened to you?" I said no, that I just wrote it. ha..

My poems were all sad ones, they were never happy, they were all pretty dark and deep.
At one point two of my friends had brought it up, and asked if I could try maybe writing more happier poems, that was when I wrote the "lovey dovely" poems hah... I had a couple of online friends who shared those poems with their girlfriends. haha..

I'll show you guys one of my sad poems at the end of this post.

I then kinda stopped writing altogether, I thought my poems suck, I was hard on myself with my writing, I didn't really understood how people could possible like my poems.
I was on and off with writing, in 2011 I wrote my first "churchy" poem about the Garden of Gethsemane. I had asked Sister Davidson if I could share that poem in class, somebody needed to see me during the class, so by the time I got back, the poem had already been given. I didn't really saw what everyone thought of it.

A month or so ago, I was getting ready to send a good friend of mine who's on her mission a letter. I mentioned the poem and she said she would love it if I could send a copy of that as well, she said she remembered when it was shared in class and that "It was awesome :)"

A week after it was shared in class, I went to EFY, one of the days I shared it and after I was done, I looked around my company and a lot of them were speechless and none of them (The ones I did saw) had dried eyes. hahah.... I also shared some of my lovely dovely poems to some of the girls in my group and one said "chills ran down her spine" because they were so good :p

During the fireside on Thursday night at efy, after the musical program which I was apart of, I gave the poem to my friend who was sitting next to me, he asked if he could pass it around the choir people, I said yes and it went around in a full circle, once it got back to me, the guy sitting on my right asked if I wrote it, he said it was really good, and thanked me for writing it.

Since then I have started to write some more church base poetry. I have been in a talent show at a YSA activity last year May 31st (It was also my birthday, it was a fun day)

I don't write anymore sad poetry, mostly church poems now, in the past I have also written two poems about sidewalk chalk and the sunset, the sunset poem is actually a reversed poem, when you read it normal, then once your at the bottom, you re-read it from bottom back to the top.

writing is a great gift I'm thankful for.

Here's the poem titled "The Eyes"

Look at my smile
You'll see a shining youth
You'll see a young man
You'll see everything good

Listen to my laugh
You'll hear how calm it sounds
The laugh will bring you joy
Warm your hearts

Turn your head upon my eyes
Don't you see the pain?
Notice how I hide
By my smile and laugh

For the sorrow
Do I keep
Locked inside
Hurt do I feel

By the rejection
Being judge
Having the shameful,
label

Wishing upon a brighten star
Father, change me please
For I am going insane
With the person I became

My eyes, no tears shell pass
There isn't any.... not anymore
For the pain, over the years
Dried them up

My eyes, shining into yours
For hope of welcome, no more rejection
For I don't know, what I'll do
If rejection comes

Hide myself upon this night
In the woods do I walk
The deathly hallows
Do they scream..
Screaming for me

I must never give in
No matter how they yell
I'm standing here
On the path to the hallows

Dear God, take me away
Give me no more rejections
But give me welcome
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                               Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it