Working Out Update and Making First Impressions

Working out has been going great, I will reach 100+ miles this week and it has only been about 8-9 days biking, crazy huh?. this will be the last time I share the total miles, until I am all the way finished, just to make it a real big surprise. Also on Friday I was able to bike 15 miles in the same amount of time I biked 13, so that was awesome!, I haven't done it since then, my legs have been killing.. they might go to jail soon, which would suck.. could someone bail them out please? hahaha

This is what I have been eating. in the mornings I have a shake, the days I go into work then head to gym right after work, I take a low-fat yogurt and eat that before heading to the gym, I also bring a bag of carrots which I eat after I finished working out while I wait for the bus, then once i'm home I either make a salad (No ranch dressing) I use some healthier kind and it taste pretty good, or I make some tomato soup and two chicken breasts. then if I'm hungry a couple of hours later, I have a protein bar, then make something for dinner.

Getting the membership is a big step for actually being able to lose the weight, I have tried to lose weight in the past, and I did actually, the most I ever lost was when I was 18 and working towards getting mission ready, I lost 40 pounds, but things came up, moving and got out of the habit, now I'm paying for the membership and don't really want to waste my money, so.. ha.


This is going to be an awesome week, it is my birthday on the 31st, I'm getting a group of friends together to go watch the Avengers movie, and then later that evening is a YSA activity, which is a barn dance, so that'd be pretty cool. Also a good friend of mine who I met at efy in 2011 is flying on Friday and staying for my birthday weekend!, ha how awesome is that?
I hope to be able to take pictures of the weekend so I can share them for next week's post.


I want to talk about first impressions, people say first impressions are everything.
I've realize that I'm not good with first impressions. people may think I'm to quiet, I don't look them in the eyes while talking, I move my hands around my face as I talk to some people, when I'm nervous I mess around with my wrist watch. I'm not much of a talker in groups. I have my moments, a few weeks ago at a YSA BBQ a friend of mine was talking about getting her nails done, I pulled my hands out of my pockets and said "Oh I need to get my nails done too!" said in a jokingly way, the group of friends laughed, I laughed as well. but 90% of the time I just listen. I'm a lot better with one on one conversations, but it's also hard for me to go up and be the first one to talk.

I've noticed there have been some people from the branch who say hi to me, and talk a little with me, but I'm still not "at the point" when I feel comfortable going up to them and talking first, and by doing this, it may drive them away because their trying to talk to me but I may seem to be "avoiding them"

Like just yesterday, my YSA Branch was doing a BBQ/Swim activity, I walked around, listened in of a group talking, walked around again,  because I felt awkward just standing by the group not talking, then I just stood by myself and  I was just noticing how everyone was talking to each other, I thought how is that possible?.. how are they doing it?, why can't I be like them?

Ah, what a life of being an introvert and having Aspergers, hahah, but it's my life.
It likes I want to be social, but I don't know how. I guess I just need to work on it, work on at least trying to say "Hi" first. it's a two letter word, you'll think it'd be easy enough, right? haha
That is my challenge for this week, to try to talk first, we'll see how it goes :D.



                          Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

How I Began Writing Poetry

Hey guys, well guess what?... I got my gym membership this last Thursday.

So now you'll finally be hearing about my weight loss on this blog and not just experiences I've been in and about Asperger's.  which is good, it's good to share my experiences from my life, to let people see how my life was for me in my eyes.

But I'm excited to be doing some posts about my progress with losing the weight,

Within three days of working out, I biked 40 miles, I'm going to keep track of every mile, it'd be good to keep track for progress and just for when I'm a speaker for the youth and so on.

Well, that about sums up for the working out, for now. so I'll share about me and poetry
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I started writing back in 2010, I had barely turned 17, if you all remember, I was 16 when my breaking point had happened. I started to write, to get emotions out, they started out as long umm stories?

I'll give an example of one of my first stories.
It was titled "The Lonely Guy" It was about a guy in a class,  it started as someone noticing this guy was alone in the classroom, from this person point of view, seeing that he was alone, everyone else in the  class didn't want anything to do with him, and this person was debating weather or not  to go sit by him. the story then switches to the perspective of this lonely guy, and then switches back again to this person, the person was saying in his/her head that their friends don't talk to this guy, why should he/she start talking to this guy, what would my friends think? etc. at the end, the guy had some tears fell down as he got up, this person saw something fall down, so he/she went over to the chair and noticed there was a single tear drop on the chair, as lonely as the guy. It ended with that metaphor.

I then started to shorten them into free verse poetry (non-rhyming) I would write sad poetry and "loveish" type poems. I would share my poetry with some of my friends, and they all asked me how long have I been writing for?.. I would say "Uh.. that's my first poem" and they'd be amazed and say they would of guessed I have been writing for years. I guess it was just one of those hidden talents, huh?.  I now try to write in rhymes

I remember at a youth dance, I was sitting with a guy I knew and showed him one of my poems called "Broken Heart" haha, he loved it and shared it around with some of his friends, a girl was like "O my gosh, this is so sad, did this actually happened to you?" I said no, that I just wrote it. ha..

My poems were all sad ones, they were never happy, they were all pretty dark and deep.
At one point two of my friends had brought it up, and asked if I could try maybe writing more happier poems, that was when I wrote the "lovey dovely" poems hah... I had a couple of online friends who shared those poems with their girlfriends. haha..

I'll show you guys one of my sad poems at the end of this post.

I then kinda stopped writing altogether, I thought my poems suck, I was hard on myself with my writing, I didn't really understood how people could possible like my poems.
I was on and off with writing, in 2011 I wrote my first "churchy" poem about the Garden of Gethsemane. I had asked Sister Davidson if I could share that poem in class, somebody needed to see me during the class, so by the time I got back, the poem had already been given. I didn't really saw what everyone thought of it.

A month or so ago, I was getting ready to send a good friend of mine who's on her mission a letter. I mentioned the poem and she said she would love it if I could send a copy of that as well, she said she remembered when it was shared in class and that "It was awesome :)"

A week after it was shared in class, I went to EFY, one of the days I shared it and after I was done, I looked around my company and a lot of them were speechless and none of them (The ones I did saw) had dried eyes. hahah.... I also shared some of my lovely dovely poems to some of the girls in my group and one said "chills ran down her spine" because they were so good :p

During the fireside on Thursday night at efy, after the musical program which I was apart of, I gave the poem to my friend who was sitting next to me, he asked if he could pass it around the choir people, I said yes and it went around in a full circle, once it got back to me, the guy sitting on my right asked if I wrote it, he said it was really good, and thanked me for writing it.

Since then I have started to write some more church base poetry. I have been in a talent show at a YSA activity last year May 31st (It was also my birthday, it was a fun day)

I don't write anymore sad poetry, mostly church poems now, in the past I have also written two poems about sidewalk chalk and the sunset, the sunset poem is actually a reversed poem, when you read it normal, then once your at the bottom, you re-read it from bottom back to the top.

writing is a great gift I'm thankful for.

Here's the poem titled "The Eyes"

Look at my smile
You'll see a shining youth
You'll see a young man
You'll see everything good

Listen to my laugh
You'll hear how calm it sounds
The laugh will bring you joy
Warm your hearts

Turn your head upon my eyes
Don't you see the pain?
Notice how I hide
By my smile and laugh

For the sorrow
Do I keep
Locked inside
Hurt do I feel

By the rejection
Being judge
Having the shameful,
label

Wishing upon a brighten star
Father, change me please
For I am going insane
With the person I became

My eyes, no tears shell pass
There isn't any.... not anymore
For the pain, over the years
Dried them up

My eyes, shining into yours
For hope of welcome, no more rejection
For I don't know, what I'll do
If rejection comes

Hide myself upon this night
In the woods do I walk
The deathly hallows
Do they scream..
Screaming for me

I must never give in
No matter how they yell
I'm standing here
On the path to the hallows

Dear God, take me away
Give me no more rejections
But give me welcome
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                               Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

Bullying Stop It

A couple of weeks ago, I read a story from the website LDS Living, here's the article
The article is about a young boy who was bullied at school first by one guy, but later found out the same guy was also in his ward, the bullying kept on going, the kid who was being bullied made some non-member friends and would invite them to go to scouts, the bullies would then pick on his friends as well, calling them gay or faggots.

It says it gotten to the point that because he was getting bullied even more by having these two friends, he had to end his friendship with one of them, who was being picked on the most and then he was left friendless and didn't want to go to scouts anymore.

His dad would see him sitting by himself during opening exercises before priesthood started, his peers wanted nothing to do with him.

He was 14 when he died of suicide.

Questions may come up as to why he didn't told his parents, or church leaders.

I didn't even told my mom what was going on during those years for me. She didn't know of the breaking point I had and when I turned to prayer for help and got my answer, she read it on here, as all of you did.  when I was younger,  a older primary age, about 10-11 I remembered  going to my mom and just wishing, begging, crying that I could be normal, that the kids would want to do anything with me, I was invited to birthday parties and parties in general when the kids were younger and their mothers would help them with the guest list, that all changed when they were old enough to make their own, so I would be in class and hear them talking about parties they all went to. Not parties a friend from school was doing, but parties they had done

The bullies most likely did it when the leaders were not in hear-shock. If I ever become a leader for the young men, I will not let bullying happen. I'll share my own experiences in lessons and so on, I will NOT let it happen.

While still in primary (Quick note, if you don't know what primary is, it's a class that kids from a year old I think?, up to 11 years go in church for an hour, and then 3rd hour they are together in their age groups) I would ask this guy if he wanted to hang out, do a sleep over or whatever, he came up with some excuse about doing a double sleepover with a friend of his on that day, (He said a double sleepover is when you spend two nights instead of one)  but would do one with me later on. it never happened.

I would say I have never been verbally bullied from the people in my Sunday school class, but I do know what it felt like to be rejected, to be the person that nobody wanted any part of. I had thoughts come to me a couple of times, like "Would anyone.. beside my family miss me if I would die one day?" Those are scary thoughts to think, for anyone, especially for a young boy. I would brush them off and never think of those thoughts again.


   I personally do not understand bullying at all... why do people do it?. I'm a firm believer of

I wish everyone would listen to the council from Dieter F. Uchtdorf "This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following: Stop it!"

Notice how he said holding grudges. I do not hold any grudges to anyone from my Sunday school class. When I was around 12-13, one of the girls in my class had gotten a cut on her finger, she was saying she needed a band-aid, I guess no one heard her, or cared. so I got up, went out of the classroom to the closest with the cleaning supplies. open the first aid box and got a band-aid, gave it to her, she said "Thanks Michael"

In my patriarchal blessing, it says I have the gift of love of fellowman. so.. yeah hahah, that's pretty cool huh?. There will be two videos in this post, but they are very important videos.

Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

A Mother's Day Post

Hey, seeing I only blog on Tuesday, and Mother's day will be in five more days, this post will be about May the 5th, the Rebellion Celebration.. get it, because their rebels?... yeah.. I'll be quite now.

Here's a small part from the verse Alma 56:47 "they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them." then verse 38 says "And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it."

We do not have a lot of information about the mother's of the stripling warriors. But I would like to see it as this. the mothers taught by example, they taught their sons to be righteous and to have a good relationship with their Heavenly Father. There may of been times when their mothers had to raise their voices. Their sons would want to spend time with their friends, like Almadom, Gidgiddonish, Helamanmon (Yes, I made those names up hah :p)  probably show off who's muscles were bigger, whatever they did back then. Or probably you know.. teenagers guys, would talk about the girls there " if there is anything virtuous, lovely,  we seek after these things." hahha, :p
 Then their mothers would be like.  "ow ow get thee  hence and gather our wheat, least my hail and  mighty storm shall beat upon you" their mothers would say  "Why can't thee be as Nephi as old, and go and do?"

But they were taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them, they even told Helaman what their mothers had said, (Taught them, taught by example) "And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it" Almadom and Gidgiddonish probably realized even more how much their mothers loved them then, when they were away with Helaman, and how thankful they were to have their mothers.

President Gordon B. Hinckley in his talk titled "To The Women Of The Church
He said

"Many of you think you are failures. You feel you cannot do well, that with all of your effort it is not sufficient.
We all feel that way. I feel that way as I speak to you tonight. I long for, I pray for the power and the capacity to lift you, to inspire you, to thank you, to praise you, and to bring a measure of gladness into your hearts.
We all worry about our performance. We all wish we could do better. But unfortunately we do not realize, we do not often see the results that come of what we do."

The mother's of the stripling warriors probably did not see all of what they did for their sons, until they saw them again, and heard what actually happened, that their sons could rehearsed everything they taught them, of words or by examples.
These mothers probably felt like they were failures as well, but look at what the stripling warriors were able to do.

Also from President Hinckley's talk "My children are now all grown. Some are in their 60s. But when they call and I answer the phone, they say, "How are you?" And before I can answer, they ask, Is Mother there?" a load of laughter came from the audience.

I love my mom for everything she does for me, I'm grateful to have her as a mother.

                           Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it