uh hey

I've sat  here for awhile just thinking of how I was going to start this post.

Here is a poem I wrote from 2013. 

~There's days when I feel disconnected.  

 I wish I could be normal 

Some days  I feel really rejected 

Why I'm I so abnormal?

Standing in a group, words do not flow

I listen, don't know what to say

It's hard to undergo

At times I feel like a cast away

Some days are better then others

Every once in awhile, I just break down

Missing the full connection with another.

When all I do is look around.

Some days I question 

Why am I like this?

I don't understand you're facial expressions

So many things that I miss

But they are so plain to you

I question my friendships, because at times I feel so disconnected 

If only you can see  from my point of view

I just want to be connected~

*Drops mic*

I don't talk to people first, because I don't want to bother them, I feel like I'm below other people.

If you have been talking to me lately from church and other activities, then thank you.

Doubts Can Swallow You Up

I'm going to ruin the whole fireside. I have to tell them I won't be able to do the speaking part anymore. Someone else could do it.

Those were my thoughts on a Thursday in July 2011.

I was at EFY (Especially For Youth) which is a week long camp type thing for the youth in the church. I went to the one in Tacoma.

During my week there I joined the choir, each day we would work on the songs and so on then on Thursday was the fireside/musical program. Me and some others were given speaking parts, after a song, people would say something, there was a couple of us.

I signed up to do a speaking part, but a day or so later I asked if someone else could do it because I was worried I'll stutter (as I have been in the rehearsals) I was  told that no, that I would be able to do it.

So Thursday came around and we were having  the final rehearsal and it got to my part and I stuttered, the music came back on for the next song before I could finished it. I started having those thoughts come to mind and doubts if I could even do it so  I again asked one of the choir directors if someone else could do my part.

The choir director said that no, that we can try it again and that (s)he knew I could do it. (Forgot if it was a guy or girl ha)

So we redid it and this time, I finished it on time without stuttering, everyone in the choir clapped haha.

Then at the program it got to my part and I got done speaking right when the music started up, so it was done perfectly.

So what does this experience got to do with anything?

Sometimes we doubt ourselves to much. for whatever it may be. we are our worse critic.

We could have doubts on ourselves, or even the church and doctrinal standpoints, doubts on if God is even really there. doubts in our goals, for me one of my doubts is friends. I've talked about this quite a lot, I question my friendships, it's just something that I still struggle with, knowing if someone is actually a friend, I just try to not focus on those doubts and move past them because I do have some people who I talk to often.

I think of Peter when he walked on the water towards Jesus, but then he started to doubt it and he starts to sink. the thoughts of being swallowed up in the depths of our own doubts can be scary and we cry out for help. Christ reach his hand out and pulled Peter up.


Doctrine and Covenants 6:36 " Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not."

I couldn't see past my doubts of speaking my part for the musical program. I thought that it was done for and that I would ruin everything. the choir  director could see passed it and knew I could do it.

Our Heavenly Father is our choir director and know what will work the best, He knows better then we do, his ways and thoughts are higher then our own. Just trust in Him


                            Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

My Experience Being A Branch Missionary

So back in 2015 I started going to the lessons with the Sister Missionaries who were serving in the branch, which was always a great time. I don't drive so I didn't go out that much, and because of the mission rules, them being females and I'm a male and no other female member was in the same car, they couldn't pick me up

When I did go to the lessons, they were great, I would write poems to go along with the topic of the lesson we were having.

This one day we had a lesson schedule and were having it at the temple grounds, the topic was on temples, they asked if I had a poem about temples... I didn't reply back for a couple hours then  saying I had just finished one. haha.

After the lesson

In 2015 I also started teaching in Gospel Principles, that was when I started poetry again, would write poems to go along with the lesson, and than I wrote them for the mission lessons. 2015 was the year when it was pretty well known in the branch that I wrote poetry and Brother Westover gave me the "title" as "Branch Poet" hahaah.

Then the beginning of 2016 we had Elders Missionaries replacing the sisters, which was a nice change up, like the last time we had Elders in the branch was summer 2014.

They were Elder Dunnell and Elder Hansen, had such a great time with them and getting to know them. it was hard at first, because normally, when transfers came, one of the sister missionaries would leave and a new one would replace her. so it was easier to get to know the new missionary because I already knew one of them.

After going to multiple lessons with the Elders, they asked what my last name was and they jokingly said "Oh so we can call you Elder Sisemore now" haha.. the funny thing was, the next day at out reach Hansen called me "Elder" then said sorry and called me Michael. haha..

Anyways so I started going out with them, and still go out with them. in fact, if I don't go out  at least once a week, it feels "off" there has been multiple weeks where I gone out not once but around 2-3. I think the most I ever went out in one week was 5 times.


Hansen then was transfer near the end of May and we got Elder Hutchens, he's a great guy, me and him just clicked right away. he gets home at the end of March so I'm looking forward to talking to him again.

It took Hutchens and Dunnell (Mostly Hutchens) weeks to get me to sing any songs with them in the car driving to the lessons. When I joined in, Hutchens cracked up the volume and we were just blasting the music and singing. haha...

One week during the summer my family went camping, so I signed up to feed the Elders during a weekday (My family can only feed them on the weekends) during our meal of tacos that I made, I showed them (Dunnell and Hutchens) the video from the talent show in 2015. Hutchens was pretty speechless, he looked at me and was just like "Wow.... I've.. wow.. ha I've never heard you like that"

The YSA Elders are the zone leaders, so I've seen quite a lot of other missionaries, like being at the church building and others were there to get some water or to use the bathroom, so from that I would see other Elders. (Or when they were on exchanges)  I'd see some so much that they knew my name and were just like "hey what's up Michael?"

Hutchens would refer to me as they're 3rd companion, and tell the other missionaries that we were in a tri companionship,


for example I knew one of the Elders currently serving in my family's home ward before they saw him his first day there, they came over for dinner, he walked in and was like "Ah hey Michael"



After Dunnell left, than Elder Tailleur came, he's a pretty cool guy, they all are ha.
Hutchen introduce me to Tailleur said I was amazing and I'll come out to lessons with them anytime and how I have the best record and haven't said no to going out.

There has been times when they'd text me asking if I can go to a lesson, I say yes, and then they reply back with "Come outside, we're already here" haaha. that has happened a couple of times.

As you can see here

the next transfers Hutchens left and came Elder Olson, again had some great times with them.

In December I even went with they're mission district for Christmas caroling. I was the only non missionary there, I thought it was pretty funny/cool. I meant some newer  missionaries in the area a couple were even like "Hey, I've seen you around quite a bit, what's your name again?"

Me and Elder Tailleur, the same day we went caroling and the day before he was being transferred. 

Elder Olson who is getting transfer this Wednesday, I'm taking them out to lunch today, Olson and Wit, as I did when Hutchens was getting transferred, same for Taillerur and now Olson.

Me and Elder Olson

Not only is hanging out with the Elders always fun, but going to the lessons, sharing my thoughts, and getting to know the new investigators is always great, I like sharing my thoughts, when I have something to say ha.

a couple weeks ago I was with the Elders and Olson asked me if I miss Elder Tailleur, I said I did, but it's always  nice to get to know the new Elder. Olson started laughing and said I answered that pretty good because Elder Wit (Who replaced Tailleur) was in same car and of course could hear. so we were just laughing. Wit is a pretty cool guy, as they all are ha.

Looking forward to meeting the new Elder this week. Elder Tobey.

The Comfort Zone

Happy new years everyone hah.. a bit late.

There's only 42 days until my brother is back from his mission so that's exciting, it'd go by pretty fast.

Time goes by fast, like, we're in 2017 already... what? ha,

There's some things I want to work on in 2017, one is to get more articles publish, I have a idea of one right now, I just need to sit down and write it out, also I want to blog more then I did in 2016.

I also want to write more poetry as well, it's hard to find the motivation to write poetry, because I don't really have a good way to share it with people. Especially the spoken word poems, hence the words "Spoken word" those poems are just better spoken and not read on some Facebook status or blog.

Talent shows in the YSA happens maybe twice a year, so I'd need to find some other way to share the spoken words poems. I have one idea which I won't say now, because it's something I would like to do, but I'm on the edge looking down  cause it'd take me out of my comfort zone.

ah comfort zones, how comfortable you are, sometimes you just need to take a leap out of your zone and see what happens. for instants. back in 2015 when I was in the talent show. That was getting out of my comfort zone, I remember the sign up sheet for the show was passed to me and I wrote down my name. after I passed it on, I was excited but was also a bit nervous/scared, and wanted to grab the paper and cross out my name, but I'm glad I didn't.

 I shocked  a lot of people that night ha.. it was a memorable night that I will never forget, like people who I had never met before came up and started talking to me and said how great my performance was. at times when I go to YSA activities than someone is like "Hey!, you're the poet guy" it happened at the Halloween party last year and some other activities.

People were able to see as well that "Hey, this Mike guy is pretty funny" I had a friend say "Forgot poetry, you can be a comedian!" in a jokingly way,  and thus the comedian poet was born.

Getting out of your comfort zone benefits you more vs staying.
I've said this a couple of times, but I want to try talking to more people, that's something big for me with getting out of my comfort zone.

What is something you can do to get out of your comfort zone?

If you haven't seen the video before, or just want to watch it again ;p, here it is.

 You could tell how nervous I was at the beginning. once that first joke was told, I had the stage. haha...

My brother (who's on mission) back in 2015 when I was telling him about the talent show, he said "I think you should switch your talent to freestyle rapping. Your MC name could be "Big Mikey" "Micky Mike" or "Papa M". yea, those sound pretty G.  DO IT."

So watch out people, Papa M will go on tour in 2017. hahaha jk...

One Year Ago Today

December 20th 2015 was the day when I got my first article published. you can read it here

During this year I have written 4 other articles. I should of worked on more but I just stopped writing, on my blog and everything. but maybe I'll get some more articles out in 2017 :).

I was pretty shocked at first that I was going to get this article published. I started blogging at the start of 2015, and almost a year later I was writing up a article.

I'm thankful for the trial I was given with growing up with Asperger's Syndrome. without it I probably wouldn't of found out I could write/liked writing. It started out with poetry, not the kind of poems I write today. back then they were pretty eh dark/sad type stuff. but as I grew with writing I started a blog when I was 18, did it for a couple years then slowly stopped blogging, started it back up in 2015 and blogged every Tuesday.

I just want to say that sometimes, the trials we go through, there will be blessings at the end. it may be instant, may take a couple days, weeks,months, or even years. But they do come.

I'm still surprised that people actually like my stuff I write ha. I can be pretty hard on myself with my writings, but seeing that people enjoy it, can get insights, etc It just means a lot to me that I can write and help other people out.

3rd Nephi 1: 13-14

13 Lift up your head and be of good cheer; for behold, the time is at hand, and on this night shall the sign be given, and on the morrow come I into the world, to show unto the world that I will fulfill all that which I have caused to be spoken by the mouth of my holy prophets.

14 Behold, I come unto my own, to fulfill all things which I have made known unto the children of men from the foundation of the world, and to do the will, both of the Father and of the Son—of the Father because of me, and of the Son because of my flesh. And behold, the time is at hand, and this night shall the sign be given.

Have a Merry Christmas

Satan's Glitter

I work at a craft store, and a lot of times, glitter gets on me and stays there for what feels like an eternity. a few months ago, one day it  was all over my shirt, my arms, my face and even in my hair.

I put Edward Cullen to shame that day.

Glitter is pretty hard to remove as well, just ask any parent who's kid spilled the bottle of glitter on the carpet.

So as I was trying to wash the glitter away, a thought pop in my head.


                                             
                                              Glitter is from Satan

haha not exactly truth, but go with me on this one. it took a good amount of washing and scrubbing to remove some of the glitter, noticed how I said some, I found more later on....

so I compared glitter to sin and to the atonement.

Isaiah 1:18  reads
"Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool."

Glitter is very noticeable, sin can be very noticeable for ourselves. though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.

No matter how hard I washed and scrubbed, I was able to find more glitter scattered around later
We aren't able to save ourselves from our sins. Christ's Atonement is there to wash it all away, to heal wounds, for new beginnings.

With all this being said, keep in mind, if we see others who has they're own pile of glitter. We shouldn't judge them. I like this quote from Dieter F Uchtdorf

"Don't judge me because I sin differently than you." Let face it, in some way or another, we have all sinned, we all need Christ's Atonement.

As for myself, when I've done something wrong, make a mistake, sin. I feel like it's apart of me, I can see it, it's there. it's as noticeable as glitter. how can I remove it to become clean again?

2nd Nephi 25:26 "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins." Christ is our source for our remissions of our sins, to be forgiven.

I also like Alma 41:10 " Do not suppose, because it has been spoken concerning restoration, that ye shall be restored from sin to happiness. Behold, I say unto you, wickedness never was happiness."

Wickedness was never happiness.


Hymn- I Stand All Amazed
"I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.

                          Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

We Don't See Others Personal Battles

"Later on, I'll make another blog post about "*Easily angered with himself and his *performance*"

Because two strong memories comes to mind and I figure  I'll share them"

That was taken from my blog post in May.. so here we go.

Learning for me was very difficult. it took me a much longer time to learn things and make them stay in my head so I would remember them for the next time we went over it etc, but my mom would always say, once I learned it,  it would stick. and she was always right. 

But the making it stick was hard. during this whole time I was maybe 10 or younger, can't remember the exact age. 

Some days I'll say it's to hard and get into a tantrum I guess you could say. I'll get upset and throw the books away and say it was to hard and I'm not able to get it, my mom would always say that nothing is to hard. she was a great supporter and had a lot of patience for me. 

Learning to read was super hard. we had these flashcards with words and on the back of them, would be stick figures that gave hints to what the word was. 

I would make this joke, saying "Why can't you just open my head and throw in all of these things so I remember them"

 I'm pretty sure college students can relate for finals. 

I would say I wasn't really that good with reading until I was 14 (meaning I could read pretty much anything I want then, my first book series was Harry Potter) before I started reading Harry Potter, the "chapter" books I'd get from the library were so childish that I hated to read, but it was my reading level.

It could of been math, reading.. or something else. 

but this one time,  I just got so mad and was saying how I'm stupid and can never get it etc. so I went and made a dunce hat, (Aye I was smart enough to know what that was for, haha ;p). I remember walking back out and my mom got pretty upset with me. she had a conversation with me, I don't remember all of it. but I do remember her telling me to never do that again, and I didn't.

Moving onto something that happened during one session  of the 8 years of speech therapy I took.

I couldn't pronounce a word the right way, no matter how many tries. so I pretty much just broke down and started crying. Not one of my proudest moments. 

My mom would always assure me that I was smart, that I was bright, whenever I was having one of my break downs, she would always say something that I was good at.

I feel like this can happen to a lot of us, we focus on the negative to much to see what we're actually good at. we see what other people strive at and yet see ourselves failing. for me growing up with my disabilities, I would look at my peers and wish I was normal, I wanted to be like them, for how I saw them.

But that's it, we only see the good from other people, we don't see they're own personal battles.
So we begin to envy other people, wanting what they have. I believe that's one thing a lot of us have in common.

Well that's it for this post, short but good.

         
                    Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

A Small Tribute To My Brother Taylor

Hey... it's me

"The guy who haven't posted anything since May?"
".......Yep, that's me.."

haha, so yeah I haven't blog for a good while now, I just lost the motivation with writing, I even stopped making memes

but I'm back, so you just have to put up with me again :)

Since I have been inactive with writing, a couple of friends even asked me when I was going to write another post. One of them being my friend Levi "Shout out to Levi" as he calls it when I mention him in my blog haha. He probably just wanted to have another shout out.. ha jk

 So for this post, I wanted to make it into a "tribute" of sorts to my brother Taylor.

He comes back from his mission in the Dominican Republic March 1st

 October 2013 me and some friends went to Utah for 4-5 days for General Conference weekend, during that time my brother made a Facebook status of " So my older brother has been in Utah since Thursday and not having him at home reminds me that we're growing up and that I'm not always going to have him around :("

Psshh, I left for a couple of days than he just leaves for two years. haah.

We get along pretty good, there has been sometimes when we didn't, one of those times

We were in our beds talking, I mentioned how another "friend" of mine has stopped talking to me, I was trying to express to him about having Aspergers and how difficult it has been for friendships and so on. at this point in time I haven't told anyone how much it actually did hurt and the struggle from it. he said how he has had friends stop talking to him, said how it's normal etc. but than I simply just said "Well at least you had other friends to talk to" I got pretty emotional saying that and that was the end of the conversation. It was pretty much a "Drop the mic" moment, haha jk.

He left  March 11th 2015, and a couple days before he left I wrote this blog post I had him read it, he didn't really said much while reading it, but you know those sounds people make when they're reading something and get emotional?, the "gulping" sound, he made a couple of those.

My family are pretty introverted and don't share our feelings with each other a lot. so that's why he didn't really said much. a couple months into his mission I asked what he thought of the blog post, he said "I liked it. I got to see your point of view for a lot of things and some of your experiences that I didn't know before"

When Frozen was a new movie, we went on a taco bell run while blasting the frozen soundtrack and singing the songs together, we would go get some taco bell at times to watch our shows on Netflix.
How I Met Your Mother, Supernatural, The Walking Dead, and some others

Us watching some show, I didn't know he took this until it was on Facebook ha

One night we were watching Supernatural from the tv, not computer this time, it got to a pretty creepy part and the fireplace blasted on. the fireplace downstairs turns on really loud, so that scared both of us, ha good times.

I would teach a class at church during Sunday School, one of the lessons that I just happened to be given was on the law of chastity (No sex until marriage etc) one time we were watching How I Met Your Mother and there was a scene (It was just implied, didn't show anything of course ha) then I just said "They should of been in my law of chastity lesson" he just did a face palm, I used that line a couple more times haha...

When the hashtags became really popular, me and Taylor weren't really fans of it, but to annoy him I would use hashtag in front of every word I said to him. he would do it in return, had some good times with that

Last year I was in a talent show and I did some of my poetry, one about the Atonement and the other was a spoken word  plus cracked some jokes. Video>>>> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmRYzGuVwlk

I sent my brother the video and he was lucky enough to actually watch it, but he said 

"That's why I brought these" B-) hahahahaha! That was pretty slick... That was good stuff! hehehe I've learned a whole bunch about the atonement and the gospel in general. And omfreak. That spoken word poem you did was amazing... Like I'm being completely serious. That was really, really good. And you performed it so well. Wow. That was really great. 

Hey, thanks for that video. That really touched me today. You're awesome, you know that? We defs need to go on a bunch of adventures when I get back home. But only on one condition... You have to get me cups of water whenever I want ;P hehehe jk :P 

I probably didn't say this enough back at home, but you're awesome :) I probably am closest with you out of the rest of our brothers/sisters. And we've had some pretty rockin' times :) We have to go on some Bro adventures when I get back :D Love ya, man!"

We would go to this one restaurant  multiple of times, we went there a couple days before he was going to leave and he referred it to "The Last Supper" was pretty funny. 

6 years ago me and Taylor were told to go outside and stop watching tv when our mom went somewhere. she probably didn't expect us to make Carl the snowman, who was 8ft tall.

So yeah, I'm pretty excited to see him in a couple more months, one adventure we're wanting to do is go to General Conference in April. ROAD TRIP haha.

To sums things up, I'm pretty much like Josh in our broship

My Life 20 Years Ago

Today, May 31st is my birthday, I turned 23 years old. lets go back in time 20 years or so, and see how things were for me, from documents we have when my mom was trying to figure out what I had, I was her 3rd child, so she already had some experience raising children and knew something was "different" with me

So here we go, the man the myth... the legend... Michael Sisemore, haha just kidding.

Yes, I used to have blonde hair

In a binder (I was so awesome I had a binder all about myself, my siblings didn't had one, I'm the favorite.)  my mom kept the documents and testings, which we had done for me, she had a section where she kept track of my "Unusual traits and behaviors & development skills" I was 3-4 years old during this time, she was asked to keep track of them from some Doctor in Spokane

 3/21/97, she met the Dr and had a two hour consultation as her notes reads.

I actually have a small memory of one of the other specialists and doctors in the area, I don't remember much about it, but they talked about me (I was pretty popular)


Physical Traits & Motor Skills:

*Bounding gait
*overall delayed fine and gross motor skills
*Can't ride bike, stand on one foot, etc
*Doesn't like drawing or coloring
*Diffuclty with dressing/undressing ie. socks, shoes, zippers, buttons
*Can't poor drinks well
*Clumsy, falls off porch steps and tripes a lot etc..."

Verbal ability:

*Dyspraxic
*Loss of early language skills (from 18-24 months lost language and became very *shy* about attempting speech)
*Usually a very LOUD child

4 years old me (btw, Batman rules)

*Seems to miss some humor which other kids get
*Beginning to see some odd sentence structure ie.. "Ah be" for I don't know. "Where it is"

Behaviors: 
*Always been a Mama's boy. (I'm still am a Mama's boy ;p)
*Likes being carried everywhere (This has diminished mostly because we stopped allowing it)
*Fixation on the color blue (Currently, used to be red) -If I might add in, my favorite color is still blue, I have always remembered  it to be-
*Likes to line up cards, trucks and cars, etc...
*Fascinated with finding *matches*

*Often does repetitive play by pushing a car back and forth in a small area repeatedly
*Sometimes runs his lips up and down my (My mom's) bare arms. Used to lick his hands and arms a lot and tried to do it to others but this seems to have disappeared. - Well yeah, other people tasted weird. hahaha ;p -
*Very uncomfortable and hard to console when we sleep away from home, even when we are with him (does better when we are away but he can be home)
*Obsessiveness with pointing and labeling in books (Richard Scary) this has diminished some

*Chases kids with sticks and bats in an attempt to play (Like come on Jimmy, I wasn't going to hurt you, I promise)
*Overly aggressive in his play, gets *carried away* and can be unknowingly hurtful (Alright.. maybe I lied)
*Gets confused with pretend play, hear complaints "Michael's doing it for real!" when they are play fighting for example
*can be very excitable

Excitable

*Prone to tantrums and frustrations/anger
*Dislike difficult tasks and avoids them
*Easily angered with himself and his *performance*
*Prone to hyperactivity
*Bedtime drink *ritual* needs a drink, but if too much time passes between then and getting in the bed and going to sleep, he HAS to have another one

*Doesn't seem to learn well from mistakes (burns from stove, rushing into traffic etc)
*Constantly grabs toys away from kids (Sorry Jimmy, I want your toy, it's mine now)
*hates his feet being touched and having toenails clipped (becomes almost terrified)
I have this memory, of me running around the house trying to escape my mom, dad and my grandpa because they were trying to cut my toenails. my dad and grandpa literally had to hold me down. it was torture... tears where shed.
*seems to learn, then forget skills, like names of colors, words, etc. although this seems to be diminishing
*Does lots of spitting noises, like blowing raspberries and does not respond well to requests to stop


In this binder there's some Family Resource report, which reads

Date 10/17/96
Areas of strength:  Age 3.5

Thinking:  Seem to comprehend 3 step directions

Large/small muscles:  Can scoot quickly on small bike.  Likes to do somersaults.

Language/speech:  Back to saying "mama".  Trying to say more words in last few weeks.

Personal/social:  aware of other's emotions, offers toy.  Protective of his baby brother. (Heck yeah, me and Taylor goes way back, 2 months ago when he was born)

Self-help:  Is able to take down and pull up pants by himself.

Areas needing strengthening:

Coordination to put on socks, own shirt, jacket.  Speech to be understood.

Goals for Michael:

Learn his colors
Learn to pedal bike
Be able to verbally express himself
Work on acting out less (physically) when frustrated.
Put on own jacket

In the binder there's a page that says "Good Things About Michael"

Motor Skills:
*Likes using scissors and playdough
*Loves painting
*Enjoys helping in the kitchen with baking, cracking eggs
*Likes to do hand motions to songs

Verbal Ability: 
*Has recently begun asking why?
*Enjoys being read to
*Likes to sing

Behavior and Personality:
*Potty trained at 3.1 y/o
*Helpful around house
*Loving with younger brother
*Affectionate
*Seems very bright in spite of delays
*Good memory (I scored college level for visual memory, in some test I took when I was younger then 10, everything else I scored was below average)
*Enjoys playing with sibs and other friends
*Like his gymnastic class
*Usually smiling and laughing
*Can be very giving and unselfish

That's everything which is worth sharing from the binder

Later on, I'll make another blog post about "*Easily angered with himself and his *performance*"
Because two strong memories comes to mind and I figure  I'll share them
I just want to say, if you've gone through experiences where others can benefit from hearing your own struggles or accomplishments, share them, don't let them go to the wayside. We as humans can all teach one another. You don't have to stand in a room and be like "Yo, listen up" you don't even have to make it public, but sharing with friends, can help them, make them feel like they're not alone in they're challenges

I have asked my mom to write her experience and her  thoughts she had during those couple of early years with me.

"Michael was a sweet baby with blue eyes and curly blonde hair.  He was always very good-natured and affectionate.  It was around 18 months old that I started to have some concerns.  Words that he had been saying for a while disappeared from his vocabulary and were replaced by sounds that were very generalized.  The Dr. wasn’t concerned but I knew something wasn’t quite right.  Also, as he got a little older he fell behind in some fine and gross motor skills too.

Around 3 years of age his language had not improved.  He obviously wanted to communicate, and was frustrated when he wasn’t understood.  The Dr. thought too many people were speaking for him and he was unmotivated, but I knew that was wrong. We had him evaluated by a developmental pediatrician who suggested that he had some autistic like traits which she said could be caused by the speech delay and might be outgrown.  Eventually we got him into a private speech therapist where he was diagnosed with severe oral and verbal apraxia, and dysfluency (stuttering) as he got older and more verbal.

Michael saw a lot of specialists but no one was really sure exactly what diagnosis to give.  It was my research, including looking at other family members with similar issues, that led me to be sure the diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome was right.  This wasn’t confirmed by a professional until Michael was an adult.
It’s always hard when you learn that your child has some type of disability or challenge.  I worried about his future; how much could we help him, what he would be able to do, and whether he would have a happy and fulfilling life. He needed a lot of home therapy and attention.  It was a struggle to balance his needs with his siblings that also needed my attention.  As a parent, you do the best you can with situations you feel totally unqualified and unprepared for and hope you’re the parent they need.

Michael still has challenges.  We all do.  He has the biggest, kindest, purest heart of anyone I know.  He is loyal and always looking for the best in people.  He works hard to be the best he can be, while being accepting of who he is right now.  There’s a lesson in that for all of us."


I would of loved to be able to give comfort to my mom during this hard part of her life, trying to figure out what I had, telling her that everything would be okay and that her son who overly gave her blown raspberries that didn't stop no matter how long or messy they got,
When she saw that part in the binder, she laughed about it and said I wouldn't stop for anything

Plot twist: What if blowing raspberries was my form of comforting her at that point of time (I doubt it, but wouldn't it of been a cute little story? ;p)

What my mom said "It’s always hard when you learn that your child has some type of disability or challenge." is true, and from talking to other people and my own personal belief.

God only gives you these people in your life, because he knows you're strong enough to handle it

We all have challenges, conquer them to become You

                 
                         Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

Being Overly Excited About Friends Was My Down Fall

I am still alive.

I had lost the "motivation" to write, I haven't blog for a couple of weeks.. but as I sit here now and write out the words I cannot help but give a smile. I miss writing and seeing my words come to life as I type on my keyboard.

With that being said, I looked back at some old chats I had with people I knew during the years 2008-2010, I just had to look at a few to realize how bad I was with conversations, even with them being through computer screens.

At the time, I thought the conversations were great and I was communicating with people, me... Michael, was actually talking to people.

People with Aspergers tend to not know how to interact with others that good, they don't know how to be social. I've read a lot of articles on Aspergers.

"What do you like to do during your free time?"
Me: Oh, I like to read articles about Aspergers" hah, but all jokes aside, when I'm having one of those days with AS and just feel alone and so disconnected from people. I read about Aspergers, so I can better understand how and why I feel the way I do, and realize I'm not the only one who feel this way.

and a lot of them I've read.. it always talk about how when someone with AS is in the company of another, like when they're kids at a park or something, the kid with AS would be so happy to play with someone else, but have no idea how or what to do.

I was the same with conversations, I was so glad I had somebody to talk to, but from reading those conversations, I came off as a bit... weird, could of come off as annoying too, this one person, I was looking at our Facebook chats and it was basically me just talking without a filter, I would say anything and everything, and in turn, it would end the little friendships I had stumbled across, each time I would say something, the response of the other would get shorter and shorter... until there was nothing left.

People with AS don't get social cues, but for me, I didn't even understood them from over a screen. For an example, I'll change the first person name and name1 and name2 are brother and sisters  anyways. enjoy the bad conversation ha.

me: John?

John: Michael?

me: yes?

John: I don't know... you started it...

me: ok well do u know where name1 and name2 are?

John: Probably at their house.
What do you mean?
 Oh, or at mutual still.

me: cuz i gave them a email weeks ago

John: Oh, try again.
Or maybe give them a call.

me: and i called them cuz name1 could go to dances. and no one is home

John: Probably just e-mail again.

me: ok

John: I saw them both yesterday.

me: really?
 that cool
 I don't know if they know i know you
 so your like Name1's  cousin?

John: Yes I am.

me: i thought so

John: Have been for 5 years.

me: cool

John: (Actually his whole life...)

me: cool

I can't help but cringe when I read over this. hahaha. Also, might I just add, when I first said the names for 1&2 to "John" I put they're last names for each name of the brother and sister...
This was back in 2008 I was 15, also I'm still friends with this "John" person

As if the first example wasn't enough to win you over, this one might just do it..

I was still 15 and I had met this one girl at a youth dance, *Name has changed to Sarah*
Sarah had invited me over to hang out in her circle of friends, the youth and YSA dances always have circles of friends just throughout the dance floor, anyways.. this happened  for a couple of dances, I thought that she liked me, here is something I read in an article years ago

"Another concern is an assumption made by the person with Asperger's Syndrome that if they like someone, then the other person has the same degree of commitment. They may not recognize the other person's signals of a casual or platonic friendships"

Of course now, I know the difference, but back then, I liked her, so she liked me too right?
basically, if anyone would talk to me, weather male or female, I would get excited and think we're friends, because they're talking to me, when most people wouldn't, I don't even recall any conversation me and Sarah had. we only talked at dances, so I don't have the chats somewhere on gmail, facebook etc.


  and then I went to a rodeo... *Plays dramatic sound effect* there were some cowgirls there who were giving autographs, one of them had the same name as Sarah, so I got one autograph from her, and asked her to sign it for a "Sarah". the next dance I gave it to Sarah. Needless to say, that was the last time we talked, and I can see why now. that was so creepy, stupid and weird. hahah, but it is laughable now, back then I was heart-broken, I had just lost a friend, and I did not know why.

I've found 6 emails I sent to this "Sarah" person. one day I sent 3 emails, two of the three emails I sent in same day, were less then 10mins apart. I never got a reply back, one email reads "Would it Be Ok If I Ask You For ur phone Number? so if i'm going somewhere with my family (not a Trip) i can see if u can come with me?"

Another emails reads "i'm at a place call Smoovie it's a place where u can get Smoothies and play Games. theres a Wii and PS2 and Xbox 360 (right now i'm having a Smoothie!) so how is ur day today?"

I must admit though, smoovie was a pretty cool place, me and my brothers went there a couple times.

Yep, those were pretty weird, but I was just so overly excited that I had made a "friend" and wanted to talk, but had no clue how to, even though then, I thought what I was saying at the time were great and what friends talk about.

This is basically how I was like. (expect for the very end)

This might sound a bit sad to you, but for memories like that, I try to find the delete button in my head, and just get rid of those memories. I had forgotten about Sarah, until I was looking at some chats I had with someone on gchat and I had mentioned her name, then I looked up her email address in the search bar and found those 6 emails.


Now years later, my conversations both face and screen are a lot better, that is, if the person I'm talking to I feel comfortable with, and gotten to known.
In 2014, when I was at a YSA Branch dinner, I was sitting at a table and people were talking, and someone then said "Michael, you've been in the branch for over a year and I know nothing about you" something along those lines,  A part of me said in my mind "I'm afraid with what I would say"
I just agreed and we all laughed together. you see, back then in my teen years, I learn what I would say wasn't good for being social, so I just didn't say anything, it was less-hurt if I would just stay silent instead of speak and make small friendships which would crash in the sea of socially

One good thing with being a quiet person. is playing Mafia. someone accuse me of being the Mafia because I'm quiet and haven't said anything playing. I then say "Yeah?, and when do I ever talk?" then we just all laugh... and then I just "kill" the person who accused me, because... I was the Mafia the whole time ;). hahahaha

One friend I had, even though we would talk on gmail a good number of Sundays, when I was 15 and our conversations were still cringe-able atleast for me, looking back at now. but at church we would talk about getting on gchat at the same time to talk, and we did. Back then, I would hardly talk in person, it'd be small conversations, but talking through the screens were better at the time.I even told him that I have Aspergers Syndrome over gchat.  I remember when he called me one day to talk on the phone. I thought that was the weirdest thing ever. somebody wanted to talk to me on the phone?, and then when I was 17-18 and he was 19, leaving to go on his mission in a few days. He came over to my house to talk and say goodbye. My first time having someone come over just to talk to me, no one else and that was one of the weirdest things ever too.

Ending this post on a good note. me and that friend still talk today, there were also some others from my ward who I would talk to and I really appreciate it.  I'm also thankful for every single friend I have at the branch (and others who don't go to the branch) who I talk to, some goes off to school, and somehow I make some new friends in the branch each time. and if your someone who goes to the branch and I don't talk to often. I am sorry, I wish it was easier to talk.

Also, I see what happened in the past as something funny to look at, I have matured socially, I know what is right to say vs what isn't now. but I still struggle with talking to some. I built a wall around me, and now I need to work at tearing it down. I built it because of the hurt I would get of fail friendships at my end. I can't really blame anyone for stop talking to me, I understand why they stopped all communication. Some friends have helped with tearing the wall down, but a good chunk still stands, it'd be gone at some point though :).

If you think of it, everyone has they're own walls, what is yours?

How Tight Is Our Knot?

Sorry for not posting much for the last two months.. just haven't really had anything to say haha.
A great start to 2016 for my blog huh? ha, well at least I gave my blog a new design, let me know what you think of it! :D.


This last week, when I was at work on Sunday, I was taking out the garbage bin to the dumpster outside. I had a thought I should tie the bags up, so I did so. not knowing that when I open the door leading outside, that it was a windy Sunday.

Right as I pushed the bin outside, a bag on top flew from  the pile landing a few feet away.

If I had not had the thought to tie up the bag, garbage would of went all over the place and I would of had to pick it all up.

Because I tied it up, the bag was ready for the wind, even though the bag did move, the content inside did not scattered in the wind. so then I started to think...

and I compared it to us, we being the bags, Satan being the wind, and tying the bags to us having a foundation in Christ. depending on how tight we tie the bags, the wind won't be able to open it. in other words, depending on how strong our foundation in Christ is, we will be able to withstand Satan's wind storms. Yes... we will move, being thrown in the mist of the wind, but we won't be lost and scattered in the world.

How tight is our knot?, how strong is our foundation in Christ?..
If I would of hurry and tied the bag fast, without actually giving it a good knot, then it could of burst open in the wind.

Studying the scriptures, praying, going to church, is what makes our foundation. There are times when my foundation is weak, when I tie the "bag" loosely, or don't tie it at all, that is when Satan can come in and tempt us. that is when he can have power over us. that is when his wind storms has taken us so far away from our  weak foundation, that we feel like we can never return, that we can never come back to Christ. to rebuild our foundation, to change.

Satan can send temptations, or he can even send his storms during trials we may face in this life, as I like to say. going through trials can either make us or break us, and Satan know this. when we're going through a tough time, Whether it be with sin, or trials. he'll try to tear us down, try to snatch us up in the storm and throw us away from Christ.

And when the storm finally ease up, we look back and the road is so far.. we may think "I have gone to far, I can never come back" it may seem that no one is in sight,  but know that Christ is there, he is always there. He drank from the bitter cup out of love for everyone. He did not sip from the cup and called it good. He did not give up on us, why would we give up on Him?

Know that Christ is there, but also know that people are here along the way to help. family, friends, church leaders. we are all on your side. We will help with your foundation, but it is your job to make the plans for them.

Christ calm the tempest, when he was on the boat with his disciples, surely, if we have faith turn to him, we can survive the storms.  



As I thought this, the scripture Helaman 5:12 came to mind

"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."

People can agree or disagree on this scripture. because it says "to drag you down" but the wind got hold of the bag and was able to move it, at least to a certain point.

Here is a Mormon Message video titled "After the Storm"

As I was thinking of this too, another scripture came to mind. Jacob 6:12 "O be wise, what can I say more?" ah, my favorite scripture. it's short, but full of meaning. once we understand the Gospel, have a foundation in Christ, then it's pretty much is.. be wise, what can I say more? :)

                     Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

Kindness Of A Tap On The Shoulders

I want to share this experience I went through, although I did not know of it until years after it took place.

When I was younger, my stuttering was worse then it is now, I mainly just stutter now when I'm nervous, before I would stutter  everytime. I went to my first scout camp when I was 12 years old, I remember being in a car driving up there with some of the priest in my ward (16-18 years old) they were talking about something like money for the trading post. I wanted to be "cool" among the priests, so I said I had 5 bucks instead of 5 dollars. hah... they laughed. I think I would done the same.

So, as I have said.. my stutter was a lot worse then it is now, so during the fishing class I took, we were all sitting in a group and the scout master or whoever was teaching the class was talking to us and if we had questions, he would answer it. I asked a question. I most likely stuttered a lot as I asked the question. I would hardly ask questions in classes, because I know it'd be hard to understand me, so instead of talking and having to repeat myself, I would usually stay silent..

But for some reason, I said something.

End of story... right?, no.

What I did not know until years later, when I myself was a teacher/priest (15-16) I was at some meeting, and the person who taught the class was there, he remembered me and talked of what happened, I had no clue of it until he told me

A couple of the other guys in the class were sitting behind me and were making fun of how I talked..
when a priest in my ward, tapped them on their shoulders and silently told them to knock it off.
The act was quick and quiet. after the class I went on my way to my next classes.

Not knowing.

It could of been easy, for the priest to join  the quiet laughter, or even  not do anything and let them have their "fun" but he did something, he knew what they were doing was wrong, and made them stop.

from this, he impacted the teacher, who remember what happened all those years later, and who know, by tapping the other guys on the shoulder, he could of made them realize what they were doing was wrong, and they would think twice before doing something like this again.

the song "I'm Trying to be like Jesus"


Lyrics
1. I'm trying to be like Jesus;
I'm following in his ways.
I'm trying to love as he did, in all that I do and say.
At times I am tempted to make a wrong choice,
But I try to listen as the still small voice whispers,

Chorus
"Love one another as Jesus loves you.
Try to show kindness in all that you do.
Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought,
For these are the things Jesus taught.

This priest, no one told him to do it, he just showed kindness. have we been one of the guys to make fun of others?, or let something we know isn't nice happen and don't do anything?, or have we been the one to stand up and make it stop?

He did a small act, which took a couple of seconds, which he may of thought nothing off since that day. that's the point though, showing kindness, love, charity. can be something small like this, or much bigger.

This is a poem I wrote, about charity, which is the pure love of Christ.

The Savior said, love one another
This is the gift of Charity
In a world where people would rather
judge each other and show no love,
Charity is becoming the unpopularity

Charity is everlasting love
It is, the pure love of Christ
When we love as he did, he smiles above
He has infinite love for us, that he paid the priced.

With Charity, we can endure
Charity is the greatest gift of all
It makes us pure
Hold onto Charity, for all else must surely fall

Look to do good
So we may be partakers of salvation
Because in this life being good, is something we should
We need a strong foundation

Christ said, as I have loved you, love one another
Work towards having this perfect love
Don't let people suffer
But show them love

Watch this video from President Thomas S Monson too.

We're Phones, We Need A Charger

Awhile ago I was skyping a friend of mine, the computer she was using at the time didn't had a microphone, so we were talking on the phone and skpying for the use of the webcams

During our conversation, her phone died and then we started to type, she typed her phone died but it's only temporary. I then typed "The same with this life" and we had a good short conversation on this analogy that we made up.

Today I want to expound on the analogy.

Phone= Us
Charger= Atonement
Charging= Repenting

If we're the phones, we need a way to recharge. The charger, being the Atonement
is able to make us recharge.

If we didn't had any chargers, how would we be able to charge our phones?

Alma 34:9 reads
 For it is expedient that an atonement should be made; for according to the great plan of the Eternal God
there must be an atonement made, or else all mankind must unavoidably perish; yea, all are hardened; yea, all are fallen and are lost,
and must perish except it be through the atonement which it is expedient should be made.

So basically, without the charger being made, our phones would perish.

Be reconciled with our charger

Jacob 4:11:
Wherefore, beloved brethren, be reconciled unto him through the atonement of Christ, his Only Begotten Son, and ye may obtain a resurrection,
according to the power of the resurrection which is in Christ, and be presented as the first-fruits of Christ unto God,
having faith, and obtained a good hope of glory in him before he manifesteth himself in the flesh.

Plugging our phones into the charger is repenting. How many of you had thought you plugged in
your phone for work the next day, just to find that your phone was dead. That has happened to me a couple of times, not a great feeling ha

Alma 34:33 And now, as I said unto you before, as ye have had so many witnesses, therefore, I beseech of you that ye do not procrastinate the day of your repentance until the end; for after this day of life,
which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not improve our time while in this life,
then cometh the night of darkness wherein there can be no labor performed.

Alma 12:24 "And we see that death comes upon mankind, yea, the death which has been spoken of by Amulek, which is the temporal death; nevertheless there was a space granted unto man in which he might repent; therefore this life became a probationary state; a time to prepare to meet God; a time to prepare for that endless state which has been spoken of by us, which is after the resurrection of the dead."

Do not procrastinate the day of our repentance, this life is a probationary state to prepare to meet God. if you think waking up to find your phone was dead was a bad feeling, imagine if you procrastinate repenting and then end up for at the final judgement, what would you be feeling then?

Have any of you had a phone which you never had to charge at all?, we need an infinite power source to charge our phones, just as with the atonement.

2nd Nephi 9:7

"Wherefore, it must needs be an infinite atonement—save it should be an infinite atonement this corruption could not put on incorruption. Wherefore, the first judgment which came upon man
must needs have remained to an endless duration. And if so, this flesh must have laid down to rot and to crumble to its mother earth, to rise no more."


Charging our phones (Repenting)

"Oh no, I have 5% left on my phone"

Alma 42:29

And now, my son, I desire that ye should let these things trouble you no more, and only let your sins trouble you,
with that trouble which shall bring you down unto repentance.

I'm pretty sure, that most times when we see our phone is about to die, we get this urge to try and charge it, the percent could be our sins, and when it says "and only let your sins trouble you, with that trouble which shall bring you down unto repentance" our phones could be at 5%, and we hurry  go  charge our phones. so we do repenting.

Recharging our phones aka repenting is not a one time thing.

3rd Nephi 11:14 "Arise and come forth unto me,
that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet,
that ye may know that I am the God of Israel, and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world.

I hope that whenever you see your phone and charger, you'll think about the Atonement

Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

Replace the "If's" with "Him"

It is our faith in Jesus Christ that sustains us at the crossroads of life’s journey. It is the first principle of the gospel. Without it we will spin our wheels at the intersection, spending our precious time but getting nowhere. It is Christ who offers the invitation to follow Him, to give Him our burden, and to carry His yoke, “for His yoke is easy, and His burden is light” (Matthew 11:30). - Elder Quentin L. Cook


This past Sunday, while I was listening to the sacrament meeting talks. I had a thought come to mind

"Replace the "If" with "With Him"

This is what I got out of those words

When we're afraid of failure, we're swarmed with thoughts of "What ifs" What if I fail this test. what if my plans don't work out, I want to do this thing, but what if?..." What if I don't get accepted into this school.

This can involved fear of standing up for your beliefs. "What happens if I tell my friends I won't watch that movie?" "What happens if I say no to friends who want me to drink"

Sometimes it can be a scary thing to stand up for your beliefs.


We can't live by fear, we need to live by faith and not fear.
We need to trust in Him, when we trust in Him, our fear goes away, because we rely on Him to help us.

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." - Isaiah 10:41

How many times have we gone through hardships, of having fear be there, but not Him?

In 2009 and 2010 I went through this experience of having fear, but replacing it and trusting in Him.

 I went to this Youth Conference in Walla Walla, Washington (The Triple W's haha)
I was 16 (It was in March, I turned 17 in May), you were paired up into random groups once you got there, I was worry/afraid of that because from past experiences I did not like meeting new people, I was not accepting of Aspergers then, I only had  very few friends from the ward.

On the way there, I'm pretty sure I said a prayer and asked if everything will be okay and I'll be in a group with someone I knew. Once we got there and were paired up into groups, I was in the red group with my friend Spencer. There were a lot of youth there, a couple of stakes and what were the odds of me being in the same group as Spencer?, he was the only one in my ward who was in my group. We pretty much just stayed together during the conference

This other experience of my first time going to EFY in 2009, I had just turned 16 not that long ago, I was worry and afraid of going there because I didn't knew anyone etc, so I said a prayer and turned out, my counselor was a guy I knew from my ward. so again.. what were the odds of that with having a lot of groups and 400+ youth there, that I was in his group?

I had fun in that group, there were some things that weren't so good in that group, but hey you can't win them all, can you?


A few years ago I wrote this poem about replacing fear with faith. In my option it is not one of my best poems, but it's still a good one I suppose.

I don't know what to do
Fear have taken a hold of me
I need a way to pull through
The fear need to flee

Replace the fear with faith
by this small and simple phrase
With faith I know I'll be safe
My Heavenly Father watching over me

I need to let go of fear
and live by faith
with fear, I am worried
with faith, I see the truth

Replace the fear with faith...
Replace it
Look to God and live
Do it
Live it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust" - Psalms 91:2

“I recognize that, on occasion, some of our most fervent prayers may seem to go unanswered. We wonder, ‘Why?’ I know that feeling! I know the fears and tears of such moments. But I also know that our prayers are never ignored. Our faith is never unappreciated. I know that an all-wise Heavenly Father’s perspective is much broader than is ours. While we know of our mortal problems and pain, He knows of our immortal progress and potential. If we pray to know His will and submit ourselves to it with patience and courage, heavenly healing can take place in His own way and time.”

—Russell M. Nelson, "Jesus Christ—the Master Healer,"

If during that Youth Conference I was not in the same group with Spencer, I'm sure Heavenly Father would of had another way to make me feel welcomed and loved, He would of noticed my prayer, he would of had me in a group with someone who be easy to talk to and get to know.

This is a great talk A Time For Faith Not Fear by Elder Larry W. Gibbons

And this is a great Mormon Message video.

                          Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

Alma, Amulek, Zeezrom Oh My

This last week, as I was reading in Alma, I discover one of my favorite person in the Book of Mormon.

His name was Zeezrom.

He was a lawyer among the people of Ammonihah.  Alma and Amulek were teaching the people in the city, and because the wickedness  and hardness of their hearts, they would not listen, they were angry with them, and had the lawyers and judges come to question them.

Alma 10:31 " And there was one among them whose name was Zeezrom. Now he was the foremost to accuse Amulek and Alma, he being one of the most expert among them, having much business to do among the people"

A few verses into chapter 11, we see that the lawyers would stir up the people to riotings, disturbances and wickedness, that people would hire them to take their cases and the judges/lawyers would gain money from working with them during the trials and crimes.

Thus making the lawyers and judges wicked, for they were using the people to get gain, not only were they getting money from this, the whole city has became wicked because of the desires of those people hearts.

So after Amulek taught them, the people were angry and wanted the judges and lawyers to cross their words against them

Alma 11:16 And it came to pass that they began to question Amulek, that thereby they might make him cross his words, or contradict the words which he should speak.-- Alma 10:13-16

Now Zeezrom began to ask Amulek questions and in verse 22 of chapter 11, we see Zeezrom trying to offer Amulek a lot of money, if he would deny the existence of a Supreme Being.

Amulek then goes off on him for a little bit in a way, I would say calling someone a "child of hell" would be going off on them... hah. and Zeezrom asked questions about God, the son of God, and would the Son of God save us while we were in our sins.

"Now Zeezrom said unto the people: See that ye remember these things; for he said there is but one God; yet he saith that the Son of God shall come, but he shall not save his people—as though he had authority to command God." Alma 11:35

As you can see, still trying to make Amulek slip up with his words. Amulek then preach again and

Now Zeerzom asked in verse 38 "Is the Son of God the very Eternal Father?"

At this point, when he asked that question, I believe that his heart has started to be soften.

Amulek answered his question, and  talked about salvation, how Christ will come to redeem his people, how we will be judged by Him.

"Now, when Amulek had finished these words the people began again to be astonished, and also Zeezrom began to tremble. And thus ended the words of Amulek, or this is all that I have written." Alma 11:46

Alma 12:1 "Now Alma, seeing that the words of Amulek had silenced Zeezrom, for he beheld that Amulek had caught him in his lying and deceiving to destroy him, and seeing that he began to tremble under a consciousness of his guilt, he opened his mouth and began to speak unto him, and to establish the words of Amulek, and to explain things beyond, or to unfold the scriptures beyond that which Amulek had done."

Couple more verse in, we see Zeezrom starting to want to learn more

verse 8: " And Zeezrom began to inquire of them diligently, that he might know more concerning the kingdom of God. And he said unto Alma: What does this mean which Amulek hath spoken concerning the resurrection of the dead, that all shall rise from the dead, both the just and the unjust, and are brought to stand before God to be judged according to their works?"

Alma went on with preaching and answering Zeezrom's questions.
Zeezrom begins to believe in what Alma and Amulek had to say, some of the people who were listening also believed, the non-believers stoned and cast them out of their city.

Zeerzrom and the other believers went over to the city of Sidom. Alma and Amulek were cast into prison, the walls later fell down and the wicked who were around the prison died, Alma and Amulek were told to go to Sidom.

In Sidom they found Zeezrom and the other believers, Zeezrom was sick.
Alma 15:3

"And also Zeezrom lay sick at Sidom, with a burning fever, which was caused by the great tribulations of his mind on account of his wickedness, for he supposed that Alma and Amulek were no more; and he supposed that they had been slain because of his iniquity. And this great sin, and his many other sins, did harrow up his mind until it did become exceedingly sore, having no deliverance; therefore he began to be scorched with a burning heat."

Alma was able to heal Zeezrom because of Zeezrom's faith in Christ, he was baptized and started to preach to the people throughout his days.

I like to compare Zeerzom, Alma the younger, and the sons of Mosiah to Laman and Lemuel.

They all had one big thing in common... they were all wicked, once Zeezrom, Alma, and the sons of Mosiah took the truth to their hearts, and had a broken heart and a contrite spirit, they were able to change.

Laman and Lemuel saw an angel, just like Alma the younger did, but they were never converted, they were quick to forget. Alma 45:8 "  Thus we see how quick the children of men do forget the Lord their God, yea, how quick to do iniquity, and to be led away by the evil one."

I would like to think, that Alma the younger saw a part of himself in Zeerzom, how he used to be, fighting against the word of God, and how much joy he must of felt, for Zeerzom when he started to believe the teachings, to know of his Heavenly Father, and of Jesus Christ, who would come to the earth to die for the sins of all mankind. To be baptized and start teaching the people

This wasn't included in the chapter, but I also believe that Alma would of shared his own conversion story to Zeerzom, we know that Alma shared his conversion story to his son Helaman. in Alma chapter 36.

I've heard people compared  Laman and Lemuel to his brother Nephi, which is all fine, but Nephi was already righteous and had faith in God

Alma the younger, the Sons of Mosiah, Zeerzom, King Lamoni and I'm sure of many others were once wicked and once they heard the truth and gain their own testimonies and became converted, they had the change of heart, they had a broken heart and a contrite spirit.

Zeerzom gave up his riches of the world, I would say he was pretty wealthy, if he was an "expert" in his line of business. He gave up his worldly things to become converted, he never went back to being a lawyer and he started to preach the people throughout the rest of his days. King Lamoni said in Alma 22:18 "I will give away all my sins to know thee" Are there somethings that you could give up and to have a broken heart and a contrite spirit?



Watch this Mormon Message video too.

Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

My "Cool Story Bro" Attitude Towards Reading Scriptures

"But few understood the meaning of those things, and this because of the hardness of their hearts. But there were many who were so hardened that they would not look, therefore they perished. Now the reason they would not look is because they did not believe that it would heal them"
-Alma 33:20

A couple of verses within this chapter, were talking about how the prophets of old were speaking of the Son of God, and how he will come down to the earth, to atone for our sins.

Alma 33:19 "Behold, he was spoken of by Moses; yea, and behold a type was raised up in the wilderness, that whosoever would look upon it might live. And now many did look and live"

The type was the brass serpent that was on the pole, and whoever would look upon it, would be heal from their wounds, but there were many who would not cast their eyes upon it, because they didn't believe by looking, they would be heal, that it was to simple... to easy to look and be heal, so they perish. It symbolize Christ being on the cross and atoning for our sins.


Alma 33:21  "O my brethren, if ye could be healed by merely casting about your eyes that ye might be healed, would ye not behold quickly, or would ye rather harden your hearts in unbelief, and be slothful, that ye would not cast about your eyes, that ye might perish?"

As I was reading this chapter and got to verses 20 and 21. I had the thought come to mind " Like wise to not reading"

I haven't been the best with reading the Book of Mormon, I have read it once all the way through, I thought it was great, and I gain a testimony of it that first time. this was back in 2011 and since then I've read it here and there, (Meaning, I never really got past 2nd Nephi again) haven't even finished it for a second time yet.

                                  Hardness Of My Heart 

I've been to many conferences, may it be stake conference. Priesthood night?... I forgot what that was called. the Conference which your stake would do, for all the Aaronic Priesthood holders and their fathers. Watch General Conferences. Heard stories of how you need to read the scriptures and all that.

How by reading you'll have more joy etc, whatever it may be, I heard it.

I never really took it to heart though. I was like "Cool story bro" I'll get to it later.

As with anyone on this earth, I have made some mistakes, and I couldn't see how reading and praying would help with any of that, the Book of Mormon is 531 pages, would it really do anything if I were to read it?.. the answer is yes, it will do something... it will be everything.

2nd Nephi 32:3 "Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do." 

we're suppose to feast upon the words of Christ.. I was merely nibbling, would use my scriptures on Sundays at church, and I was "good"

I didn't understand how just by reading would help, as with the people who's hearts were so hardened that they would not look.

Read this, with how I read it, the 2nd time through 

"But few understood the meaning of those things, and this because of the hardness of their hearts. But there were many who were so hardened that they would not read, therefore they perished. Now the reason they would not read is because they did not believe that it would heal them"

Alma 33:21  "O my brethren, if ye could be healed by merely casting about your eyes that ye might be healed, would ye not behold quickly, or would ye rather harden your hearts in unbelief, and be slothful, that ye would not cast about your eyes, that ye might perish?"

replace the temporal death *perished* to a spiritual death.

Alma 12:24 "And we see that death comes upon mankind, yea, the death which has been spoken of by Amulek, which is the temporal death; nevertheless there was a space granted unto man in which he might repent; therefore this life became a probationary state; a time to prepare to meet God; a time to prepare for that endless state which has been spoken of by us, which is after the resurrection of the dead."

Just like how Nephi has said, for I did liken all scriptures

My question for you guys to ponder is.. is there anything which you've hardened your heart against, which you can fix?, to work on, to improve?

                                  

                                     The Change Of Heart

The change of heart came when I actually started to read.. and to put forth the effort to sit down and read. the beginning of this past week I was near the end of Mosiah, had a couple chapters until I got to Alma. read 2-3 chapters a day.. one day read 5 and the last couple of days I've been reading 10 chapters daily. I am now in Alma chapter 60.

I am feasting upon the words of Christ, when I finish the 10 chapters for the day, it feels like a cliffhanger and I want to read more. 

Elder Richard G. Scott has said

"Scriptures are like packets of light that illuminate our minds and give place to guidance and

inspiration from on high. They can become the key to open the channel to communion with our Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ." from his talk The Power Of Scriptures

D&C 88:63 "Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."

That there speaks truth.

It will take action on our part, to draw near unto Him and he'll draw near unto us.

Once I finish the Book of Mormon this time around, I'll start reading it again, and once I've finish it a 3rd time, I'll start over again and so on. through these pages you learn so much, you learn something new every time you read.

I remember from years ago, attending one of those Aaronic Priesthood Conferences, and a speaker shared this story of a young man, who went to his Bishop for help to break his addiction. He told his Bishop that he didn't want him to tell him that he needed to read his scriptures and to pray, because he wouldn't do it. Time went on and he did actually begin to read and to pray and he was able to break his addiction.

What I'm getting at is, I... you, can't be the exception, we can't have the mindset of this young man, who wanted to break his addiction, but didn't resort to drawing near unto Him for help.

I would like to challenge you all, to read the scriptures daily, and learn from them, study them. your hearts will be soften.

I've been through a good amount of spiritual experiences (As you can read throughout my blog) I wasn't reading my scriptures often, I had the thought as to "I've had these experiences, without daily scripture study, I'll be fine" But from this week alone, by reading I've came up with many ideas for teaching opportunities, as that what I want to become, a speaker to the youth within the church.
I can only imagine how many more ideas I would have, if I was studying the scriptures for the last couple of years. It is never to late to start though.

                     Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it