Those were my thoughts on a Thursday in July 2011.
I was at EFY (Especially For Youth) which is a week long camp type thing for the youth in the church. I went to the one in Tacoma.
During my week there I joined the choir, each day we would work on the songs and so on then on Thursday was the fireside/musical program. Me and some others were given speaking parts, after a song, people would say something, there was a couple of us.
I signed up to do a speaking part, but a day or so later I asked if someone else could do it because I was worried I'll stutter (as I have been in the rehearsals) I was told that no, that I would be able to do it.
So Thursday came around and we were having the final rehearsal and it got to my part and I stuttered, the music came back on for the next song before I could finished it. I started having those thoughts come to mind and doubts if I could even do it so I again asked one of the choir directors if someone else could do my part.
The choir director said that no, that we can try it again and that (s)he knew I could do it. (Forgot if it was a guy or girl ha)
So we redid it and this time, I finished it on time without stuttering, everyone in the choir clapped haha.
Then at the program it got to my part and I got done speaking right when the music started up, so it was done perfectly.
So what does this experience got to do with anything?
Sometimes we doubt ourselves to much. for whatever it may be. we are our worse critic.
We could have doubts on ourselves, or even the church and doctrinal standpoints, doubts on if God is even really there. doubts in our goals, for me one of my doubts is friends. I've talked about this quite a lot, I question my friendships, it's just something that I still struggle with, knowing if someone is actually a friend, I just try to not focus on those doubts and move past them because I do have some people who I talk to often.
I think of Peter when he walked on the water towards Jesus, but then he started to doubt it and he starts to sink. the thoughts of being swallowed up in the depths of our own doubts can be scary and we cry out for help. Christ reach his hand out and pulled Peter up.
Doctrine and Covenants 6:36 " Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not."
I couldn't see past my doubts of speaking my part for the musical program. I thought that it was done for and that I would ruin everything. the choir director could see passed it and knew I could do it.
Our Heavenly Father is our choir director and know what will work the best, He knows better then we do, his ways and thoughts are higher then our own. Just trust in Him
Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it
I liked this post. I have a mountainous pile of doubts right now I'm dealing with. Unfortunately some doubts have basis in reality; this is especially true for people like you and me who struggle with disabilities. Some people are under the impression that one's disability makes it impossible for them to do certain things. I feel this way a lot. The reality of the situation is that, even though disabled, we can do a lot of things, but not just as perfectly or as well as we'd like it. In these types of situations where I find that I really am below average, which is not uncommon, I have learned that I simply have to work harder to reach the same goals as those who are more talented. My disability does not keep me from normality, it just makes it harder to reach that point.
ReplyDeleteThat's pretty true. I like what you said near the end "Disability does not keep me from normality, it just makes it harder to reach that point"
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