uh hey

I've sat  here for awhile just thinking of how I was going to start this post.

Here is a poem I wrote from 2013. 

~There's days when I feel disconnected.  

 I wish I could be normal 

Some days  I feel really rejected 

Why I'm I so abnormal?

Standing in a group, words do not flow

I listen, don't know what to say

It's hard to undergo

At times I feel like a cast away

Some days are better then others

Every once in awhile, I just break down

Missing the full connection with another.

When all I do is look around.

Some days I question 

Why am I like this?

I don't understand you're facial expressions

So many things that I miss

But they are so plain to you

I question my friendships, because at times I feel so disconnected 

If only you can see  from my point of view

I just want to be connected~

*Drops mic*

I don't talk to people first, because I don't want to bother them, I feel like I'm below other people.

If you have been talking to me lately from church and other activities, then thank you.

Doubts Can Swallow You Up

I'm going to ruin the whole fireside. I have to tell them I won't be able to do the speaking part anymore. Someone else could do it.

Those were my thoughts on a Thursday in July 2011.

I was at EFY (Especially For Youth) which is a week long camp type thing for the youth in the church. I went to the one in Tacoma.

During my week there I joined the choir, each day we would work on the songs and so on then on Thursday was the fireside/musical program. Me and some others were given speaking parts, after a song, people would say something, there was a couple of us.

I signed up to do a speaking part, but a day or so later I asked if someone else could do it because I was worried I'll stutter (as I have been in the rehearsals) I was  told that no, that I would be able to do it.

So Thursday came around and we were having  the final rehearsal and it got to my part and I stuttered, the music came back on for the next song before I could finished it. I started having those thoughts come to mind and doubts if I could even do it so  I again asked one of the choir directors if someone else could do my part.

The choir director said that no, that we can try it again and that (s)he knew I could do it. (Forgot if it was a guy or girl ha)

So we redid it and this time, I finished it on time without stuttering, everyone in the choir clapped haha.

Then at the program it got to my part and I got done speaking right when the music started up, so it was done perfectly.

So what does this experience got to do with anything?

Sometimes we doubt ourselves to much. for whatever it may be. we are our worse critic.

We could have doubts on ourselves, or even the church and doctrinal standpoints, doubts on if God is even really there. doubts in our goals, for me one of my doubts is friends. I've talked about this quite a lot, I question my friendships, it's just something that I still struggle with, knowing if someone is actually a friend, I just try to not focus on those doubts and move past them because I do have some people who I talk to often.

I think of Peter when he walked on the water towards Jesus, but then he started to doubt it and he starts to sink. the thoughts of being swallowed up in the depths of our own doubts can be scary and we cry out for help. Christ reach his hand out and pulled Peter up.


Doctrine and Covenants 6:36 " Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not."

I couldn't see past my doubts of speaking my part for the musical program. I thought that it was done for and that I would ruin everything. the choir  director could see passed it and knew I could do it.

Our Heavenly Father is our choir director and know what will work the best, He knows better then we do, his ways and thoughts are higher then our own. Just trust in Him


                            Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it

My Experience Being A Branch Missionary

So back in 2015 I started going to the lessons with the Sister Missionaries who were serving in the branch, which was always a great time. I don't drive so I didn't go out that much, and because of the mission rules, them being females and I'm a male and no other female member was in the same car, they couldn't pick me up

When I did go to the lessons, they were great, I would write poems to go along with the topic of the lesson we were having.

This one day we had a lesson schedule and were having it at the temple grounds, the topic was on temples, they asked if I had a poem about temples... I didn't reply back for a couple hours then  saying I had just finished one. haha.

After the lesson

In 2015 I also started teaching in Gospel Principles, that was when I started poetry again, would write poems to go along with the lesson, and than I wrote them for the mission lessons. 2015 was the year when it was pretty well known in the branch that I wrote poetry and Brother Westover gave me the "title" as "Branch Poet" hahaah.

Then the beginning of 2016 we had Elders Missionaries replacing the sisters, which was a nice change up, like the last time we had Elders in the branch was summer 2014.

They were Elder Dunnell and Elder Hansen, had such a great time with them and getting to know them. it was hard at first, because normally, when transfers came, one of the sister missionaries would leave and a new one would replace her. so it was easier to get to know the new missionary because I already knew one of them.

After going to multiple lessons with the Elders, they asked what my last name was and they jokingly said "Oh so we can call you Elder Sisemore now" haha.. the funny thing was, the next day at out reach Hansen called me "Elder" then said sorry and called me Michael. haha..

Anyways so I started going out with them, and still go out with them. in fact, if I don't go out  at least once a week, it feels "off" there has been multiple weeks where I gone out not once but around 2-3. I think the most I ever went out in one week was 5 times.


Hansen then was transfer near the end of May and we got Elder Hutchens, he's a great guy, me and him just clicked right away. he gets home at the end of March so I'm looking forward to talking to him again.

It took Hutchens and Dunnell (Mostly Hutchens) weeks to get me to sing any songs with them in the car driving to the lessons. When I joined in, Hutchens cracked up the volume and we were just blasting the music and singing. haha...

One week during the summer my family went camping, so I signed up to feed the Elders during a weekday (My family can only feed them on the weekends) during our meal of tacos that I made, I showed them (Dunnell and Hutchens) the video from the talent show in 2015. Hutchens was pretty speechless, he looked at me and was just like "Wow.... I've.. wow.. ha I've never heard you like that"

The YSA Elders are the zone leaders, so I've seen quite a lot of other missionaries, like being at the church building and others were there to get some water or to use the bathroom, so from that I would see other Elders. (Or when they were on exchanges)  I'd see some so much that they knew my name and were just like "hey what's up Michael?"

Hutchens would refer to me as they're 3rd companion, and tell the other missionaries that we were in a tri companionship,


for example I knew one of the Elders currently serving in my family's home ward before they saw him his first day there, they came over for dinner, he walked in and was like "Ah hey Michael"



After Dunnell left, than Elder Tailleur came, he's a pretty cool guy, they all are ha.
Hutchen introduce me to Tailleur said I was amazing and I'll come out to lessons with them anytime and how I have the best record and haven't said no to going out.

There has been times when they'd text me asking if I can go to a lesson, I say yes, and then they reply back with "Come outside, we're already here" haaha. that has happened a couple of times.

As you can see here

the next transfers Hutchens left and came Elder Olson, again had some great times with them.

In December I even went with they're mission district for Christmas caroling. I was the only non missionary there, I thought it was pretty funny/cool. I meant some newer  missionaries in the area a couple were even like "Hey, I've seen you around quite a bit, what's your name again?"

Me and Elder Tailleur, the same day we went caroling and the day before he was being transferred. 

Elder Olson who is getting transfer this Wednesday, I'm taking them out to lunch today, Olson and Wit, as I did when Hutchens was getting transferred, same for Taillerur and now Olson.

Me and Elder Olson

Not only is hanging out with the Elders always fun, but going to the lessons, sharing my thoughts, and getting to know the new investigators is always great, I like sharing my thoughts, when I have something to say ha.

a couple weeks ago I was with the Elders and Olson asked me if I miss Elder Tailleur, I said I did, but it's always  nice to get to know the new Elder. Olson started laughing and said I answered that pretty good because Elder Wit (Who replaced Tailleur) was in same car and of course could hear. so we were just laughing. Wit is a pretty cool guy, as they all are ha.

Looking forward to meeting the new Elder this week. Elder Tobey.

The Comfort Zone

Happy new years everyone hah.. a bit late.

There's only 42 days until my brother is back from his mission so that's exciting, it'd go by pretty fast.

Time goes by fast, like, we're in 2017 already... what? ha,

There's some things I want to work on in 2017, one is to get more articles publish, I have a idea of one right now, I just need to sit down and write it out, also I want to blog more then I did in 2016.

I also want to write more poetry as well, it's hard to find the motivation to write poetry, because I don't really have a good way to share it with people. Especially the spoken word poems, hence the words "Spoken word" those poems are just better spoken and not read on some Facebook status or blog.

Talent shows in the YSA happens maybe twice a year, so I'd need to find some other way to share the spoken words poems. I have one idea which I won't say now, because it's something I would like to do, but I'm on the edge looking down  cause it'd take me out of my comfort zone.

ah comfort zones, how comfortable you are, sometimes you just need to take a leap out of your zone and see what happens. for instants. back in 2015 when I was in the talent show. That was getting out of my comfort zone, I remember the sign up sheet for the show was passed to me and I wrote down my name. after I passed it on, I was excited but was also a bit nervous/scared, and wanted to grab the paper and cross out my name, but I'm glad I didn't.

 I shocked  a lot of people that night ha.. it was a memorable night that I will never forget, like people who I had never met before came up and started talking to me and said how great my performance was. at times when I go to YSA activities than someone is like "Hey!, you're the poet guy" it happened at the Halloween party last year and some other activities.

People were able to see as well that "Hey, this Mike guy is pretty funny" I had a friend say "Forgot poetry, you can be a comedian!" in a jokingly way,  and thus the comedian poet was born.

Getting out of your comfort zone benefits you more vs staying.
I've said this a couple of times, but I want to try talking to more people, that's something big for me with getting out of my comfort zone.

What is something you can do to get out of your comfort zone?

If you haven't seen the video before, or just want to watch it again ;p, here it is.

 You could tell how nervous I was at the beginning. once that first joke was told, I had the stage. haha...

My brother (who's on mission) back in 2015 when I was telling him about the talent show, he said "I think you should switch your talent to freestyle rapping. Your MC name could be "Big Mikey" "Micky Mike" or "Papa M". yea, those sound pretty G.  DO IT."

So watch out people, Papa M will go on tour in 2017. hahaha jk...

One Year Ago Today

December 20th 2015 was the day when I got my first article published. you can read it here

During this year I have written 4 other articles. I should of worked on more but I just stopped writing, on my blog and everything. but maybe I'll get some more articles out in 2017 :).

I was pretty shocked at first that I was going to get this article published. I started blogging at the start of 2015, and almost a year later I was writing up a article.

I'm thankful for the trial I was given with growing up with Asperger's Syndrome. without it I probably wouldn't of found out I could write/liked writing. It started out with poetry, not the kind of poems I write today. back then they were pretty eh dark/sad type stuff. but as I grew with writing I started a blog when I was 18, did it for a couple years then slowly stopped blogging, started it back up in 2015 and blogged every Tuesday.

I just want to say that sometimes, the trials we go through, there will be blessings at the end. it may be instant, may take a couple days, weeks,months, or even years. But they do come.

I'm still surprised that people actually like my stuff I write ha. I can be pretty hard on myself with my writings, but seeing that people enjoy it, can get insights, etc It just means a lot to me that I can write and help other people out.

3rd Nephi 1: 13-14

13 Lift up your head and be of good cheer; for behold, the time is at hand, and on this night shall the sign be given, and on the morrow come I into the world, to show unto the world that I will fulfill all that which I have caused to be spoken by the mouth of my holy prophets.

14 Behold, I come unto my own, to fulfill all things which I have made known unto the children of men from the foundation of the world, and to do the will, both of the Father and of the Son—of the Father because of me, and of the Son because of my flesh. And behold, the time is at hand, and this night shall the sign be given.

Have a Merry Christmas

Satan's Glitter

I work at a craft store, and a lot of times, glitter gets on me and stays there for what feels like an eternity. a few months ago, one day it  was all over my shirt, my arms, my face and even in my hair.

I put Edward Cullen to shame that day.

Glitter is pretty hard to remove as well, just ask any parent who's kid spilled the bottle of glitter on the carpet.

So as I was trying to wash the glitter away, a thought pop in my head.


                                             
                                              Glitter is from Satan

haha not exactly truth, but go with me on this one. it took a good amount of washing and scrubbing to remove some of the glitter, noticed how I said some, I found more later on....

so I compared glitter to sin and to the atonement.

Isaiah 1:18  reads
"Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool."

Glitter is very noticeable, sin can be very noticeable for ourselves. though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.

No matter how hard I washed and scrubbed, I was able to find more glitter scattered around later
We aren't able to save ourselves from our sins. Christ's Atonement is there to wash it all away, to heal wounds, for new beginnings.

With all this being said, keep in mind, if we see others who has they're own pile of glitter. We shouldn't judge them. I like this quote from Dieter F Uchtdorf

"Don't judge me because I sin differently than you." Let face it, in some way or another, we have all sinned, we all need Christ's Atonement.

As for myself, when I've done something wrong, make a mistake, sin. I feel like it's apart of me, I can see it, it's there. it's as noticeable as glitter. how can I remove it to become clean again?

2nd Nephi 25:26 "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins." Christ is our source for our remissions of our sins, to be forgiven.

I also like Alma 41:10 " Do not suppose, because it has been spoken concerning restoration, that ye shall be restored from sin to happiness. Behold, I say unto you, wickedness never was happiness."

Wickedness was never happiness.


Hymn- I Stand All Amazed
"I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.

                          Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it