Welcome to my blog, first post 2015

I've been inactive with my blog for sometime, no one to blame but myself.
Why not take this as an opportunity to start writing again and actually telling people about my blog.
During the time with being away from my blog, things have been going alright. I am working at Craft Warehouse, I might of said that before or not.. but I been working there for over a year now (Time flies by ha)

I've been able to developed my relationships with my friends from the YSA Branch more. That in itself is something I'm thankful for. As some of you may or may not know, I have Asperger's Syndrome, AS  is high functioning autism. It can be quite difficult to be social, I don't understand body language, and facial expression a whole lot, but the two are  pretty much body language as a whole right?. either way I can tell the very obvious facial expression.. when someone is sad and stuff, but that's about it.

I remember at some over night scout camp I went on, when I was 12-14 years old, the guys were talking in a tent, conversation going, I had no idea what to say at all. like none.. nothing could form in my head. I remember at some point in the night, that I tried to join in the conversation and I said, I was really good with remembering to brush my teeth morning and night..
Yep... that had nothing to do with the conversation they were having, it was really random. I just wanted to hid in my sleeping bag and wish I wasn't even there.
Because of situations like above, I just became even more quite.

Along with not being able to understand body language, I can't maintain eye contact, I remember when I was a lot younger, when I would looked into a mirror, and see my eyes staring back at me, I would look away,  I felt really uncomfortable with looking at myself in the eyes. Now being older I can look myself in my own eyes, but looking people in the eyes during conversations?, I can for a short while.. and than  I start to look at the side of you, pass your head, or down at the ground. anywhere beside your eyes, I will try to look back at your face a couple of times during conversation, but each time it'd be the same and I'll look away, to best describe it, it's like staring into the sun, after awhile... you just got to look away :). I don't even keep eye contact while I'm talking to my mom, so yeah.. haha

Growing up in my ward, I had some people around my age I would talk to, but that didn't happen a lot,  I didn't got my first hug, from someone outside of my family and around my age until I was 14.
When I was  younger as well, my speech used to be so bad, I would stutter a lot, now it has improved a lot too, and I'm so thankful for that, it was so annoying to try to talk to people, and they didn't know what I said, so they just pretended to know what I have said, I don't blame them though, if people back in my old ward in Pasco, would hear me now, they might be surprised, there sometimes when I stutter, but it hardly happens.

I'm thankful that I developed the relationships, I would say their not all the way developed though, not a full 100%, I'm not sure if I'll ever get to that point though, just because of Asperger's, but I'm able to crack some jokes with some of my friends at the branch and just talk to them. Starting conversations can still be hard, I am not a group person, if a group of friends are talking, I will just listen.

I would say I have improved quite a lot from my home ward back in Pasco, to where I am now.
It didn't happened overnight, but I kept working at it, I had to be the person to talk first, and at times I still don't do that, but a friend of mine. Levi, he moved to Kennewick for a job internship in May  2014, I was at the  chapel door handing out the bulletin at church, I noticed that he was new, so I began talking to him, and now we're good friends and talk whenever we see each other.

Oh wow, that was a lengthy post, hope no one mind ha. Well in closing for this post, I'll share a poem that I wrote back in summer of 2013, Some of you maybe didn't know I like to write poetry, well... you do know now hah. the poem is titled  Disconnected.

There's days when I feel disconnected.  

 I wish I could be normal 

Some days  I feel really rejected 

Why I'm I so abnormal?

Standing in a group, words do not flow

I listen, don't know what to say

It's hard to undergo

At times I feel like a cast away

Some days are better then others

Every once in awhile, I just break down

Missing the full connection with another.

When all I do is look around.

Some days I question 

Why am I like this?

I don't understand you're facial expressions

So many things that I miss

But they are so plain to you

I question my friendships, because at times I feel so disconnected 

If only you can see  from my point of view

I just want to be connected 

``-------------------------``

Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it