This blog will be about my life. I'm a member of the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have Asperger's Syndrome, things can be a bit difficult for me, but with God on my side, all things are possible,(Matthew 19:26) People say I uplift, inspire, and I'm they're example and a friend, I hope I can do the same towards you, follow the journey.
Seeing General Conference is coming up, this story is pretty appropriate.
This pass Sunday, President Morgan was talking to the branch about how important it is to come up with a question to ponder about, that you'll would like answer during General Conference.
When he was saying this, the memory came to mind, when I was challenged to come up with a question for General Conference.
During my senior year in high school and in my Sunday school class. My teachers Brother and Sister Daivdson challenged all of us to come up with a question you wanted answer during the conference.
My first thought was "I don't have any questions, I'm not struggling in any Gospel doctrines, my life is fine" Conference came around, I still haven't written anything down that I wanted an answer to, that was actually bothering me I went through Saturday sessions, Priesthood session, Sunday Morning session. It was still on the top of my mind, throughout this weekend. but I just didn't know what kind of question to come up with.
After the Sunday morning session, I went to my mom for help I asked her what kind of questions do people write down for Conference, after talking to her I came up with a question
"Why do I have Asperger's Syndrome?"
As we went to watch the last afternoon session of Conference, I thought that it was already to late, that I missed my chance, but the first talk, it was it.
The talk was by Elder L. Tom Perry The Power of Deliverance
He open his talk, telling us about his friend name Scott "My young friend has some difficult challenges. They limit him in some ways, but in other ways he is extraordinary. For example, his boldness as a missionary rivals the sons of Mosiah. The simplicity of his beliefs makes his convictions incredibly firm and steady."
As he was saying that, I looked at my mom and she was looking at me, my question was getting answered, I started to listen more closely
The talk was about the power of deliverance, he shared two stories from the book of Mosiah along with stories from the Old Testament. When his talk was done, I was a little confused, the first part of his talk seemed liked it was going to give me my answer,
Once Conference was over I talked to my mom about the talk, during the middle of his talk, it didn't seem like it was about my question, but as I talked to my mom, there were some things in the chapter, which he didn't read in his talk, in chapter 24 of Mosiah verse 15 it reads
"15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."
Now, even though soon after they were delivered out of bondage from the Lamanites, This verse was still for me, made light, strengthen, ease, cheerfully, patience. Asperger's is a life trial that I am stuck with, or "A way of life" it comes down to your attitude, being cheerful or patience, being happy. some-days I don't even think of it, because it doesn't bother me, then other days, I wish I didn't had it, but it makes me a stronger person, it makes me.. well Me.
I'll also throw in this scripture
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light- Matthew 11:28-30"
While I was still talking to my mom about this, the scripture Ether 12:27 came up "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."
So the question as to why?, well.. it's my weakness, but God will make weak things become strong, "the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease" he'll help me, my burden will be easier to carry, then by myself
Just as Elder L Tom Perry said about his friend "My young friend has some difficult challenges. They limit him in some ways, but in other ways he is extraordinary.
There was a person in my home ward in Pasco, President Naef, some of you may of known him, he was released as a Stake President when I think my family moved to Pasco, but he served in the Temple Presidency, so some of you may know him from there, anyways at some point of being in the ward, after I had given a talk, he came up to me and said whenever he reads Ether 12:27 it always reminds him of me.
So in Sunday school we were asked if we had a question which got answered, I said I had one, Brother Davidson later asked if I could share it and I did so, after I said what my question was, and how it got answered, he said "That must of been a very personal experience for you" I said yes and he went on with saying how he love that even though I have challenges in my life and I struggle at times, he said I'm an example to him, then he started to cry some and he went on with saying that, when his struggling he thinks of me.
I would like to challenge all you to come up with a question for General Conference which will be in two weeks. ponder about it, and see what happens. I know that Heavenly Father knows who we all are. He knows us by name
Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it
Before I start this blog, I want to thank everyone for reading and checking out my blog, last week on Monday, my blog post had 40 page views, which I thought was just awesome in itself. But two of my friends shared my blog post on their Facebooks, within two days that post which had 40 page views jumped into the low 90s, it is now sitting at 104 views. Social Media is awesome ha. Roughly 60-70 people were able to read, and maybe be uplifted from it, and that is just from two friends, if more friends would share it too, just think of how much it would expend and grow. Please note I'm not trying to sound like I'm forcing you guys to do it, it is your choice to share it or not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
First John 1:5 "This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all."
My last post was talked some of being emotional/physically alone as well, today post will be about physically alone.
When I was 13, I went to my 2nd summer Scout Camp out, it was eh, let's just say it was a week of endurance , haha. That week I was the blood source for the mosquitoes, I got 78 bites, (This took place before Facebook, so I actually have a picture of my legs all cover in redness, it's somewhere in my house) yes, I counted every bite, I was red all over, I was hot and itchy, You're all thinking why didn't I use bug spray?. I did... I sprayed it everywhere on me, that didn't help at all, these monsters were biting me through my shoes, when I was walking to one of my classes by myself, a swarm of mosquitoes came and were all around me, they were biting me, I ran for a little bit, stopped, and the mosquitoes were gone.. for a full 5 seconds, until they came back and attacked me again, This kept happening, It was so annoying, I just wanted out of there asap. it reminds me of the scene from the movie "The Other Side of Heaven"
when Elder Groberg was being bitten by mosquitoes and he just ran, threw his bag and screams at the top of his lungs. Watch below hah. (If it doesn't start there first, then skip to 17:07 into it
It was so miserable, I haven't even mention the food we had there, no one in my troop liked the food, it all tasted awful. I remember going for lunch and getting a glass of milk, the milk was warm, it wasn't warm during breakfast. I grabbed a handful of moss from a tree, got my chin wet with some water, stuck the moss onto my chin and joked to some of the guys how "My mom just stranded me out here to die from mosquitoes"
I'm a pretty peaceful and a nice person, the saying "He won't hurt a fly" fits with me, kinda I guess, expect I've actually killed flies before ha... anyways, but yeah, during that week, I was able to captured one of these mosquitoes.. I ripped the wings off, stared at it, laughed evilly inside of my head and threw the mosquito into the fire. This took place during one class, some random kid was sitting next to me and he was like "woah...."
Another funny moment that happened during this week, there was a group of Staff members, that would come and check out the campsites, to see if we're keeping them clean, so you know, a bunch of guys, our campsite was spotless.... hahah, so one day I was like "Oh guys!, their coming to check out our campsite, we better clean up now!" it was pretty funny seeing 4-6 guys all rushing to clean up, as I'm just sitting there watching them, it was so perfect. I told them that I was kidding and that I did the scene from the Best Two Years movie, when one of the missionaries said the districts leaders were coming so we better clean up, and the guy who said that was joking, and just watched the guy cleaned up.
Alright, to get back to the scripture and the physically alone part of this post.
During this same camp, on one of the nights there, we had a night program/fireside, it was a program from the Camp Staff. so my troop attended the program, but before it was all the way finished, they left.. I did not know that they had left, so once the program got done, there I was.. looking for my troop, when I realize that I was the only member of troop 152, everyone had left, other troops, Staff members, everyone.
a alone 13 years old me, who had no flashlight, no source of light, I was in total darkness. I was pretty afraid, I couldn't see clearly so I kept tripping as I would try to walk on the trail. I thought some bear would rush out from the woods and eat me, (I was scared of bears at the time, when I would go camping as a scout) as if I wasn't already a feast to the mosquitoes. I'm not sure, if I actually did said a prayer or not, I'm pretty sure I did. I'm not sure how long I was alone for. But as I kept walking, trying to get back to my campsite, I came across this other kid, who was also alone, his troop had left as well. He did not had any flashlight either. I remember that we were so glad we found each other that neither of us was alone anymore.
We talked some, figured out as much as possible where we were, and tired walking to find any campsite, as we were walking, we ran into some Staff members, they were walking to their campsites, with flashlights, so they helped us to get back to our troops. One Staff took the other kid, another took me, and we were able to get back to my campsite, with my troop. My troop didn't even know that I was missing... hahah... ha.. ;( haha... jk, but yeah, they really didn't know I was gone..
But now, years later, as I have thought of that time, in darkness, no clue where I was, could hardly see my hand in front of my face. I've thought of how could I use this experience to help people, to help myself even?,
So, here we go
Satan wants us to feel alone, he want us to feel that we are worthless, he wants us to be miserable as he is. When he makes us feel this way, we feel that we are to far from forgiveness, that we're in total darkness.. alone
2nd Nephi 2:17-18 " 17 And I, Lehi, according to the things which I have read, must needs suppose that an angel of God, according to that which is written, had fallen from heaven; wherefore, he became a devil, having sought that which was evil before God.
18 And because he had fallen from heaven, and had become miserable forever, he sought also the misery of all mankind. Wherefore, he said unto Eve, yea, even that old serpent, who is the devil, who is the father of all lies, wherefore he said: Partake of the forbidden fruit, and ye shall not die, but ye shall be as God, knowing good and evil.
We learn that he is miserable, and he'll try anything to make us feel miserable too. this can be from addiction, jealousy, pride, telling us that we're not worthy to even be forgiven.
Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave a talked called "You Matter to Him" in it he says "Another way Satan deceives is through discouragement. He attempts to focus our sight on our own insignificance until we begin to doubt that we have much worth. He tells us that we are too small for anyone to take notice, that we are forgotten—especially by God."
John 8:5 reads "Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life."
Acts 26:18 "To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me."
The tree of life
The vision which Lehi had of the Iron rod and the Tree of life. in the Book of Mormon, First Nephi chapter 8 talks about Lehi's dream of the tree of life. In verse 8, Lehi says "And after I had traveled for the space of many hours in darkness, I began to pray unto the Lord that he would have mercy on me, according to the multitude of his tender mercies." the next couple of verses we learn of the large and spacious field and a tree which fruits made one desirable to make one happy. He went and
Verses 11-12 reads "11 And it came to pass that I did go forth and partake of the fruit thereof; and I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted. Yea, and I beheld that the fruit thereof was white, to exceed all the whiteness that I had ever seen.
12 And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knew that it was desirable above all other fruit."
Lehi searched for his family while standing by the tree, he called for them to come over and partake of the tree as well. His family didn't know how to get over to where Lehi was standing, in verse 19 we learn of the Iron rod, which his family and many other people hold onto to get to the tree
"19 And I beheld a rod of iron, and it extended along the bank of the river, and led to the tree by which I stood.
20 And I also beheld a strait and narrow path, which came along by the rod of iron, even to the tree by which I stood; and it also led by the head of the fountain, unto a large and spacious field, as if it had been a world."
As people were holding onto the Iron rod, a mist of darkness came upon them. 23 reads "And it came to pass that there arose a mist of darkness; yea, even an exceedingly great mist of darkness, insomuch that they who had commenced in the path did lose their way, that they wandered off and were lost."
More people cling onto the rod, following it to the tree, after they eaten the fruit, they were
But in verses 27-30 "And I also cast my eyes round about, and beheld, on the other side of the river of water, a great and spacious building; and it stood as it were in the air, high above the earth.
27 And it was filled with people, both old and young, both male and female; and their manner of dress was exceedingly fine; and they were in the attitude of mocking and pointing their fingers towards those who had come at and were partaking of the fruit.
28 And after they had tasted of the fruit they were ashamed, because of those that were scoffing at them; and they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost.
29 And now I, Nephi, do not speak all the words of my father.
30 But, to be short in writing, behold, he saw other multitudes pressing forward; and they came and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press their way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree.
In chapter 11, we learn that Nephi wanted to know what his father's dream was all about, he wanted to know the interpretation of the dream. The tree of life is the love of God, the iron rod is the word of God, the building was the pride of the world. I'll suggest to go read these two chapters.
Elder Lynn G. Robbins of the Presidency of the Seventy, gave a talk titled "Which Way Do You Face?
He talks about “Fear ye not the reproach of men” (Isaiah 51:7; see also 2 Nephi 8:7) . In Lehi’s dream, this fear was triggered by the finger of scorn pointed from the great and spacious building, causing many to forget which way they faced and to leave the tree “ashamed”
People may make fun of us, for our standards, for even believing in God, hold onto the rod, ask yourself, which way do you face?. Proverbs 29:25 "The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe."
Satan will try to get us to go astray, we need to cling to the iron rod, I'm thankful for the experience I had during that night when I was a mere 13 year old, I'm thankful that Heavenly Father also had another child of his, lost in the night's darkness, that I could meet up with him and feel some sort of comfort, so I would not be lost by myself. If yourself, or your friends who have gotten off the narrow path. Try to help them and yourself, reach out to them while their in this spiritual darkness.
Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it
I'll get back to that hymn later on in this post :)
Alright, so I thought I would share about my first experience when I truly didn't felt invisible from my Heavenly Father, that he knew me, he knew this 16 year old young man, that he knew who I was, he knew my trials and that He really did cared for me. this is my experience of the very first time when I prayed and actually got a answer back. It was a very special moment, when His spirit was so strong, that I felt a overwhelming feeling of warmth. My second experience with prayer is the one I had on Trek, some of you may have already read it, but if you haven't, here's the Link
I was going through a pretty rough time, it was about having Asperger's, and feeling totally alone, In my teen years of 14-16. I did had some people from my ward I would talk to, but it still felt like I never could actually connect with them, I didn't told anyone about having Asperger's until I was 17.
I would tell myself that I was some weird person or a freak, that was why no one would really talk to me that much, that was why no one really wanted to sit next to me in Sunday School, (Please note, that some people would sit by me in Sunday School) only 2-3 people out of a class of 10-12?.
I remember when Priest Quorum came along, me and my friend Spencer would always try to sit next to each other, and I really appreciate that (He was my first friend I told about having Asperger's)
I would hide my emotions, I would put a smile on my face like nothing was wrong, but deep down, I felt rejected at times, I felt like a nobody, a couple of times I didn't even want to go into my Sunday School class, I wanted to skip it all together. I remember when I was 14 or 15, one of those years, I had a teacher in Sunday School and one week she just said how "Every week, there's somebody that comes into class and always sits by himself" as she said that, she got pretty emotional about it. I felt all eyes on me, and for a couple of weeks, some people would sit next to me, but it didn't last that long.
Every year I would keep everything inside, got to the point when my bottle of emotions was about to burst open, in 2009 (I was 16) I was taking a home school class with another home school family (They were LDS too, I'm still friends with the family) from in town. one day when I was at class, I remember when my teacher asked me if everything was alright. I guess I was looking pretty down and even quieter then normal, as if I can get even more quieter?. I just said that I was good, but it was hard to say those words, without breaking down, but I managed it nonetheless.
Then this Sunday... this Sunday exploded that bottle, I was in Sunday School class. sitting by myself, a guy walked into the classroom, said "Where should I sit down?" asking the class as a whole where he should sit down, one of the girls said you could sit by Michael. this guy just said "Nah, I don't want to sit by Michael" now, this may seems harmless, you all may be thinking "So what?" but after years of keeping everything inside, hearing those words, I almost broke down in Sunday School, I wanted to get up, and leave the room. I just wanted out, but instead I just stayed seated, and stared down at the ground, I have thought of that moment a couple of times, more so now as I'm writing this blog post. I had the thought of getting up, leaving the room. also had the thought of getting up, punching the guy, and leaving the room, but I choose just to stay seated, which was probably the best opinion out of those three.
That evening, when I got home, or a couple days after that Sunday, I literally broke down, I remember the time, I do not remember what day it was, but the time was 12am, at midnight. I was out in the living room, I couldn't sleep, I just needed help, so I went out into the living room with my set of scriptures. You've probably heard of those stories, when somebody is going through a really tough time and they open up their scriptures and amazingly enough find some verses that jumps out to them, during their trials. I thought that would happen with me. So there I was, closing my scriptures, opening them randomly, repeating that time after time, but that was not working. It started to get hard to see, just because of the tears, I then remembering something from church, this was actually pretty close to a General Conference (I'm pretty sure it was the April session coming up) but a teacher shared a story of somebody he knew, that said a prayer before a General Conference, the person did not get the answer to their prayer from a talk, but rather from a song.. so I remember that, so when I went out into the living room, I actually had a copy of the hymn book. after opening my scriptures for a couple of minutes, trying to find some help. I then said a prayer.
It wasn't a casual prayer I usually did, but rather a prayer of pleading for help, so far in my life, the most spiritual experiences with prayer is when I have no where else to turn, and I literally plead to my Heavenly Father, I beg him to help me.... and He has answered.
I pleaded with my Heavenly Father, I needed help, that I felt alone, tears were streaming down my face.
Enos 1:4 comes to mind "And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul; and all the day long did I cry unto him; yea, and when the night came I did still raise my voice high that it reached the heavens."
I cried unto my Heavenly Father, in mighty prayer.. tears running down my face as I was saying this prayer, begging, pleading for help, it was at this moment, when I felt a overwhelming feeling of warmth. I felt as like I was embraced into a hug, I heard a voice in my head "140" I open up my scriptures, searched for anything involving the number 140, I went to the page numbers of "140" nothing really stood out at all, with my eyes still fresh from a rain storm, I looked at the hymn book.. I picked it up, turned to "140" the hymn was "Did You Think to Pray?" I looked at it, and I literally laughed to myself, I was like "Yeah, that's what I'm doing now, I did prayed" but then I looked at the lyrics.
(Chorus)
Oh, how praying rests the weary!
Prayer will change the night to day.
So, when life gets dark and dreary,
Don't forget to pray.
3. When sore trials came upon you,
Did you think to pray?
When your soul was full of sorrow,
Balm of Gilead did you borrow
At the gates of day?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The feeling I got after reading the Chorus and 3rd verse, that I knew He answers prayers, that He knew who I was, what I was going through, I felt loved, I felt His hug. It was such a powerful experience. I haven't been in that state for awhile now, when I was so broken down like that. My Senior year during Sunday School was a lot better, but I'll share that for a different post, on another day.
A friend of mine, named Paul, I met him in the summer of 2008, I was 15 at the time. at the time he was 24 or 25, around there.. He went to a overnight camp out with my friend Spencer and Spencer's brothers, he was subbing as one of our leaders I think. but anyways, we talked late into the night, the group of us, we were just laying down on a tarp talking and staring up at the night sky.
That was the same overnight camp out where I went to a store and bought doughnuts and candy so I could feel like I was "part" of the group, that'd people would like to talk to me. which now thinking of it, is kind of silly of me, because Spencer was a friend of mine, and his brothers, but I still felt disconnected to people. Skip over to a couple weeks later, I was talking to Paul on gchat and previously he said that "I was great" I asked him, if Spencer had told him about me, because why else would he said I was great?. This is what he had to say to that.
Michael, nearly everything I know about you I learned in person.
When I first met you, I got the impression that you have been labeled and judged, and that part of you struggled to feel accepted.
I also was able to discern great things about you; your sincerity, your integrity, how valiant you are, and how strong you are.
I would say that there are many, many things which I can see in you which you cannot see in yourself.
I saw those things the day that I met you.
You might think that this is some kind of trick or something, but Michael, think about it.
No one assigned me to be nice to you.
Being a friend to you doesn't make me money, help my grades, get me a girlfriend, or make me more popular.
But it makes me happy.
Because I know something of who you are.
That is why I am a friend to you.
Michael, this is no trick. This is reality. There is no hidden agenda here.
The whole world may have told you that you aren't good enough, but if they have, the whole world was wrong.
You were always good enough.
It is too bad that people do and say the things that they do.
They just don't know what they are doing.
The day will come when they know who you are, then they will wish that things had been different.
Of course, then again, the day will come when you know who you are, and then you will finally realize why the Steeles befriended you, why I befriended you.
I don't believe that you really believe in who you are yet.
But you are on the right path.
Just don't doubt yourself so much.
Your doubt only slows you down.
You have been placed in some of the best circumstances that have ever existed for a son of God since this earth was created.
He put you here to make a difference.
You need to believe in yourself in order to make that difference.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In closing, prayer is real, mighty prayer is real. God knows who you are, what you're going through. He loves you. I'm so thankful for every friend I have today, it means a lot to me.
Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it
Hey look, a second post in 2015, I beat 2014's record by one post. I would like to thank everyone for checking out the blog and leaving comments, they mean a lot, thanks!, I'll like to remind everyone that you can follow this blog by typing in your email, you can also click on "Join this site" that will add your name at the "Members" section.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The first words to his talk reads
"I love the gospel of Jesus Christ and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Sometimes we use the term gospel and Church interchangeably, but they are not the same. They are, however, exquisitely interconnected, and we need both."
I would recommend you to go read or watch his talk.
Later in his talk he says "Some have come to think of activity in the Church as the ultimate goal. Therein lies a danger. It is possible to be active in the Church and less active in the gospel. Let me stress: activity in the Church is a highly desirable goal; however, it is insufficient. Activity in the Church is an outward indication of our spiritual desire. If we attend our meetings, hold and fulfill Church responsibilities, and serve others, it is publicly observed.
By contrast, the things of the gospel are usually less visible and more difficult to measure, but they are of greater eternal importance. For example, how much faith do we really have? How repentant are we? How meaningful are the ordinances in our lives? How focused are we on our covenants?
I repeat: we need the gospel and the Church. In fact, the purpose of the Church is to help us live the gospel. We often wonder: How can someone be fully active in the Church as a youth and then not be when they are older? How can an adult who has regularly attended and served stop coming? How can a person who was disappointed by a leader or another member allow that to end their Church participation? Perhaps the reason is they were not sufficiently converted to the gospel—the things of eternity.
That is so true, because.. for awhile now, I was active in the church, but not the Gospel. It has been a long time since I prayed, or read my scriptures. I was going to church every week, going to FHE (Family Home Evening) going to YSA activities. I was basically going through the motions. in 2014 I would say I only prayed a handful of times, if not less. read about the same amount of times as well.
Even though, I wasn't reading or praying regularly I still had a testimony of the Book of Mormon, because I've read it all the way through for the first time. This was back in 2011, you can read that blog post right here
I also have a testimony in prayer, which also took place in 2011, for two experiences I had in my life. You can read about one of my experiences of prayer here, I haven't shared the second one yet.
After gaining those testimonies the first time in my life, I couldn't later on, ignore them, even when I stopped praying and reading, my testimonies were low, but I could not forget those memories, the feelings, my faith was still there, but I was not exercising it, I was not doing the things that I should of been doing. after not praying and reading on a regular basis. you just forget about reading, praying, got to the point when I didn't even want to pray, because of the mistakes I have made, in the talk from Dieter F. Uchtdorf which is titled "You Matter To Him" he states
"Another way Satan deceives is through discouragement. He attempts to focus our sight on our own insignificance until we begin to doubt that we have much worth. He tells us that we are too small for anyone to take notice, that we are forgotten—especially by God."
My relationship with my Heavenly Father was like this. You're at some sort of activity, you meet someone, talk to the person, add the person on Facebook and after awhile, you just stop talking. You still remember the person, because you see their posts on Facebook, but the communicate is gone. You might go to church, get home and see you have a message from the person, you look at it, but don't reply back, in other words, you might go to church, feel the spirit during a talk or a lesson, it could be about prayer, and how we need to pray daily. But you don't act on it, you don't reply back. Sometimes you wish you could just send the person a message, but you don't know what to say, don't want to tell the person your mistakes. Then one day, you want to change, you start reading again, before even praying... the next day, still read... by the third or fourth day, you finally type out a message and hit enter.. in other words. You pray.
Alma 32 talks about planting a seed and that you need to nourish it, pray, read scriptures, exercising your faith.
Alma 32:38 and 39.
" 38 But if ye neglect the tree, and take no thought for its nourishment, behold it will not get any root; and when the heat of the sun cometh and scorcheth it, because it hath no root it withers away, and ye pluck it up and cast it out.
39 Now, this is not because the seed was not good, neither is it because the fruit thereof would not be desirable; but it is because your ground is barren, and ye will not nourish the tree, therefore ye cannot have the fruit thereof."
I've been praying and reading for a couple of weeks, I'm in 2nd Nephi right now. it's never to late to pluck the old seed, and plant a new seed. Heavenly Father is always here for us, His arms are open wide, He love us, even when we feel that we've made to many mistakes.
This is a poem, which I wrote sometime ago.. it's about the Atonement. it's a reverse poem, so you read it normal, then re-read it from the bottom back to the top.
Don't worry on the past
Our lives are not unsurpassed
Become what you want to be
Don't focus on former times, start anew be free.
The grasps of Satan are tight
When you feel like giving up, he laughs in delight
Satan makes you feel abandoned, and that no one understands.
try searching for a helping hand..
Use Christ's Atonement; he died for you and me
You'll finally be free.
He knows the pains
He'll break the chains
Blood dripped from every pore
He loves us before and evermore.
He smiles when we use his Atonement
In this moment, use His Atonement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it
I've been inactive with my blog for sometime, no one to blame but myself.
Why not take this as an opportunity to start writing again and actually telling people about my blog.
During the time with being away from my blog, things have been going alright. I am working at Craft Warehouse, I might of said that before or not.. but I been working there for over a year now (Time flies by ha)
I've been able to developed my relationships with my friends from the YSA Branch more. That in itself is something I'm thankful for. As some of you may or may not know, I have Asperger's Syndrome, AS is high functioning autism. It can be quite difficult to be social, I don't understand body language, and facial expression a whole lot, but the two are pretty much body language as a whole right?. either way I can tell the very obvious facial expression.. when someone is sad and stuff, but that's about it.
I remember at some over night scout camp I went on, when I was 12-14 years old, the guys were talking in a tent, conversation going, I had no idea what to say at all. like none.. nothing could form in my head. I remember at some point in the night, that I tried to join in the conversation and I said, I was really good with remembering to brush my teeth morning and night..
Yep... that had nothing to do with the conversation they were having, it was really random. I just wanted to hid in my sleeping bag and wish I wasn't even there.
Because of situations like above, I just became even more quite.
Along with not being able to understand body language, I can't maintain eye contact, I remember when I was a lot younger, when I would looked into a mirror, and see my eyes staring back at me, I would look away, I felt really uncomfortable with looking at myself in the eyes. Now being older I can look myself in my own eyes, but looking people in the eyes during conversations?, I can for a short while.. and than I start to look at the side of you, pass your head, or down at the ground. anywhere beside your eyes, I will try to look back at your face a couple of times during conversation, but each time it'd be the same and I'll look away, to best describe it, it's like staring into the sun, after awhile... you just got to look away :). I don't even keep eye contact while I'm talking to my mom, so yeah.. haha
Growing up in my ward, I had some people around my age I would talk to, but that didn't happen a lot, I didn't got my first hug, from someone outside of my family and around my age until I was 14.
When I was younger as well, my speech used to be so bad, I would stutter a lot, now it has improved a lot too, and I'm so thankful for that, it was so annoying to try to talk to people, and they didn't know what I said, so they just pretended to know what I have said, I don't blame them though, if people back in my old ward in Pasco, would hear me now, they might be surprised, there sometimes when I stutter, but it hardly happens.
I'm thankful that I developed the relationships, I would say their not all the way developed though, not a full 100%, I'm not sure if I'll ever get to that point though, just because of Asperger's, but I'm able to crack some jokes with some of my friends at the branch and just talk to them. Starting conversations can still be hard, I am not a group person, if a group of friends are talking, I will just listen.
I would say I have improved quite a lot from my home ward back in Pasco, to where I am now.
It didn't happened overnight, but I kept working at it, I had to be the person to talk first, and at times I still don't do that, but a friend of mine. Levi, he moved to Kennewick for a job internship in May 2014, I was at the chapel door handing out the bulletin at church, I noticed that he was new, so I began talking to him, and now we're good friends and talk whenever we see each other.
Oh wow, that was a lengthy post, hope no one mind ha. Well in closing for this post, I'll share a poem that I wrote back in summer of 2013, Some of you maybe didn't know I like to write poetry, well... you do know now hah. the poem is titled Disconnected.
There's days when I feel disconnected.
I wish I could be normal
Some days I feel really rejected
Why I'm I so abnormal?
Standing in a group, words do not flow
I listen, don't know what to say
It's hard to undergo
At times I feel like a cast away
Some days are better then others
Every once in awhile, I just break down
Missing the full connection with another.
When all I do is look around.
Some days I question
Why am I like this?
I don't understand you're facial expressions
So many things that I miss
But they are so plain to you
I question my friendships, because at times I feel so disconnected
If only you can see from my point of view
I just want to be connected
``-------------------------``
Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it
Hey, if any of you still get an email for when I blog, I'm sorry I haven't post anything.... nothing at all for the last five months.
So let see.. some updates.
A good friend of mine I made from the branch, got married a couple months ago, I haven't seen him since then, until tonight.. It was awesome seeing him again along with his wife who went to the branch aswell and who I had gotten to know from the branch. they are amazing people and friends.
I'm still a branch missionary. I'm still going to the branch, I'm still in Kennewick. I'm turning 21 on May 31st.
During those five months of silences.. I have seen friends come home from they're missions.. and I haven't even left yet.
I have started working out yet again and all of that... it's very hard to do it without getting discourage and one day everything just falls apart and you're back at square one.
But here I am again, it doesn't matter when I go on my mission... it matters that I will go.
And I will go... me and my brother might be getting our calls at the same time if I keep at it, and why would I quit this time if me and my brother could get our calls the same day?, if we send in our papers on the same day.
I will have support from people from the branch. I just have to do my part, and the part is the hardest.
But I see myself, in the mission field... and I know I can go. so hopefully this is the time I actually go.
Endure to the end, stay strong in the Gospel and you won't regret it.
